Well well. Here we are. This is the start of a long and boring relationship between us friends, which is actually the ( long overdue) continuation of a long and boring relationship between us friends who pride in calling ourselves names like CHODURAMBAXAWALLAS, KHANKIS, BOKACHODAS etc etc.
Please fell free to write in from time to time.
Hopefully, we can relive our old days online.
PEASH AND LOVE
Dome ( that's my name on this blog)
94 comments:
WHo is Goltalab?
Let me try trial and error. Steven was and is Banglu, Brian G was Iqbal, Father of Lies, Rich Mahogany, and Prince of temptation. Philip was Burchodi, Osho, God, Bhagwan and Yahweh. Barry was Puppy, Pat was Silverstreak, Groucho; Paul, I can't remember, Jeff - no it's not him,Errol - could be.Joe Fern - could be. Somebody please tell me who goltalab is.
Hey! Goltala ! that's it isnt it? The goltala boys were Jeff and Gavin. Is it one of you? Why the "B"?
Boys, we just have to get a nickname for Brian R. A nice embarassing one if poss. Brian you can't get away with calling yourself by your actual name.
Oh by the way, God / Osho can't figure out how to post a comment. He's busy looking for an ADVANCED COMPUTER ENGINEER to help him do it.
Hello! Who is Goltalab? It's got to be Gavin...Jeff is still figuring out how much rebate he'll get on his tax if he gets his email working...but seriously, he's got his hands full...he called me a couple of days ago. SXC has unofficially ordained him. He is now Fr. Jeff S.J.....he even wears those knobby sandals that the priests wear. Brian R is cheating using his real name!
Dome Goltalab is spelt with a "B"...for once can't you stop arguing about spellings and pronunciations!! Phillip (once he's contracted Bill Gates) will probably say it's a Proper Noun and so on.
Who's Andrea? One of the gremlin sisters?
Well ...at last.
Passion Flower , how are you. I'm sorry you got to know of Staffy after so long, but did not have your email id then and we had already migrated to NZ. How is Heather and kid(s)? Where is Dwight these days.
Goltalab, nice to hear from you. How are Penny and he kids ?
Brian R , after that one telecon we had over a year ago , you just disappeared. My love to Zilpha and the kids.
Dome , thanks for taking the time out to start this blog.
Since we now have ourselves the "ole SVP room" back again lets create hell ( like we did in the old days.
Funkypawz indeed. - who the hell are you? Is it you Paul? Since when did any of us call you "funky - anything?"
I think we should take a poll as to what we should call ourselves and then change our name to that agreed by all....what do think ??
For eg. Paul(although he may think otherwise) cannot call himself funkypawz.He shall be called ...let me think ...."dustyballs" as I remember he used to scratch his balls a lot and dust his fingers after that.
Your thoughts ....
passion flower - i tried visiting canadian khanki. It does not exist.
Dusty balls is much much better and far more realistic.
Funkypawz - if you are watching, hope you saw what the Bokachodas are demanding.
Another name for Paul could be Dirty Bubbles, since he also used to blow bubbles in the swimming pool, and they weren't from his mouth.
Ashtray? Was it so long ago or is my memory failing me? I can't remember anyone called ashtray.
I think aruna.gomes@rediffmail.com is the current mail id where mails don't bounce back. This is what dusty balls sent on email. Unfortunately, I deleted it, so I can't be sure.
Ok Shitheads! You can have your way. Now what's Robertson's and Patterson's new names. Lawrie must be Passion flower but Robertson is such a sly fucker it's hard to pin anything on him.
Goltalab, Slob asked about Penny and "he" kids...all sons or what? Where are the photos?
Brian & Aruna's address is aruna.gomes@rediffmail.com however their monitor is playing up shits....it turns from green to orange but not much else....so if you don't hear too much from them please forgive them....Dungdung as you know is colour blind so Aruna has not been able to convince him that something is wrong. Osho on the other hand has no excuse....he's probably just enjoying all the fun...then one weekend he just pop across to see you in Toronto and Nz and Oz...he does that.
Joseph is another silent fart.
Anyway, if all you guys contribute a couple of bucks($$)we might be able to revive Jeff's email.
Passion flower don't send air tickets for the buggers who are not participating. ok?!! That will teach them a lesson. We'll post pics of our trip and the reunion party and they can eat their hearts out.
Who's Ashtray? Better buy him a ticket too.
who the hell is ashtray ...clicked on his name but it comes up with another blog called Ashes which is in some strange language.
Anyway , anyone has any idea how we upload photos ?
You have to read the instructions on http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=324&topic=17
I'll figure it out tomorrow, can't miss the 6.27 Kalyan fast.
I guess today being Saturday a few of you will be offline.
Goltalab, yes I rmber those days. Was never much of a sports person I guess. More into heavy metal and reading shit loads of books. Still, it ws fun.
Where is Jenny these days. Last she was shacked up in Goa and was producing or writing a script , I heard.
Also havn't heard from Shalini. Is she OK. She had moved to the country when she emailed me the last time.
BrianR , dustyballs says he may be doing a gig in Oct in Sydney. If that is true , we may hop across the ditch for the weekend.
He says u have more details ....so lets have it.
go to kiwikhanki.blogspot.com for some phots
Wow. Nice snaps Slob.
to post pics , each of you will have to create your own blogs at www.blogger.com and then download the hello package which is free.
Right nowwe are using Domes blog to chat but we can putthe others blog names in our favpurite list and occasionally check for news or photos.
Dome, you could have posted your comment on my blog itself instead of coming back to your blog to post.
Any way keep posting...
So, osho has finally made it here. Tell me osho, was it very difficult?
Slob,i think it will be better to stick to one blog ( just like our own SVP room)and post pix on individual blogs. That way everyone will know when new pix have been posted by anyone.
sheila feeler you prick! She might actually believe you. I know about Andrea and Christopher and Svetlana.
Next time just give her my regards. Do you know where Michael and Melodie are?
dusty balls, just saw the snaps brianr sent. Thank God ( not Philip) for you. Now Charmaine will not keep nagging me when I want to eat potato wafers.
Listen you Bokachodas,
You all can post pix on this blog. I have given the EXACT directions below. First you have to accept my HELLO invite.
Please check ARCHIVES to see some pix of me and my family.
You can let a friend post pictures to your blogs. Your friend needs to have a BloggerBot account and a Hello account.
First, you need to invite your friend as a Team Member on your blog. Do this in BloggerBot.
I HAVE ALREADY DONE THIS.
READ VERY CAREFULLY:-
Your friend is sent a message inviting them as a Team Member to you blog. Your friend can accept or decline the invitation. After the invitation is accepted, a link to your blog appears on your friend’s BloggerBot menu in Hello. Your friend can select and post pictures to this blog.
To post a picture to a blog post:
1. In your Friends list, double-click BloggerBot. The BloggerBot tab appears.
2. From the Blogger menu, select a blog. The chat section displays the currently selected blog.
3. Click Send Pictures
4. Click Use Picasa. Picasa opens
5. Select the pictures you want to post.
6. Click the Send Hello button at the bottom of the screen. The “Select the friends to send pictures to” dialog box appears and Blogger is selected. Select Blogger if it is not already selected.
7. Click Send. The picture appears on your Hello screen.
8. Enter a caption.
9. Click Publish A new browser window appears showing your updated blog.
NOTE: If you have a large blog, it may take longer to publish and new posts may not display right away. If this happens, wait a moment and refresh the Web page.
PHEW!
oops! never double click on PUBLISH.
hi it's texy here, aka silverstreak
it's great to hear from you lot - however, there are a few names that do not sound so familiar
not sure i know lawrie pattison but hey, could be my short term memory
hey walter, goltalab is just the way we AIs would pronounce the indian name for welesley tank, located near the GAB
shit, i forgot your nickname was DOME - can't remeber the reason for it though - is it because you used to live near the CALCUTTA C(H)ORPORATION?
it looks like all the boys are scattered all over the globe and possibly corrupting mankind in every corner
bungloo, shame on you - don't u remember me - you look a lot fatter in the picture from brianr
as for brian g - he also used to be referred to as snowwhite, remember?
i also seem to recall that brian r used to be called brain baba
can someone please publish an official list of nicknames so we all know who the hell we are talking or listening to
Hi there folks!(just being nice)
Silver Streak and Osho have risen! We are blest!
Shiela feeler, Please get Peter MArtin's address ...most important.
Sydney show is on 15th Oct. By the way, do you require anything from here? Be reasonable....can't pack babes from Sonagachi,Watgunje, etc.! How 'bout another bathroom mug?
I agree with Dome .... just hang on in this "SVP room" blogspot. If we had the time to go visiting everybody's pages then we would not have been out of touch for so long in the first place. Please consider that some of us are not bekar footpathia bhikaris...some of us have to ink deals, while others are eating mangoskins and playing hide'n'seek with ex-flames, not to mention shot short term memories and "OSHO"(anybody know how to get a flourish of trumpets etc.?)has to get an ACE to switch on his machine....
Cheers!
Texy / silverstreak
How are you? Nice of you to join in.
Regarding Passion Flower, forget about Jenny Peterson, do you remember Michelle Vaz? If yes, do you then remember the puppy dog she always had around her? That's Pssion Flower!
As for Brian G - SNOW WHITE is a VERY GOOD NAME! What say boys?
Passion flower, looks like you have finally finished liquidated all your shareholding etc etc. Good to see you participating so PASSIONATELY.
Looks like Banglu needs an ACE but is feeling foolish to admit it.
Anyone has any news on Father Pat Eaton our old friend? In case any of you remember, You Sheila Feeler,and Snowwhite, I only said "but WE love you father" because WE wanted to go for the camp.Just a clarification that is long overdue.
talking of snowwhite here's a joke that Charmaine sent me:
A woman goes on vacation to the Caribbean.
Upon arriving, she meets a black man, and after a night of passionate love making she asks him, "What is your name?"
"I can't tell you" the black man says.
Every night they meet and every night she asks him again what his name is and he always responds the same, he can't tell her.
On her last night there she asks again, "Can you please tell me your name?"
"I can't tell you my name because you will laugh at me" says the black man.
"There is no reason for me to laugh at you," the lady says.
"Fine, my name is Snow!" the black man replies.
And the lady bursts into laughter and the black man gets mad and says, "I knew you would make fun of it".
The lady replied, "I'm not making fun of you. I'm thinking of my husband who won't believe me when I tell him that I had 8 inches of Snow everyday in the Caribbean !"
slob, like at picnics and parties, I think we shud start a good old argument here. WHy don't you think up some topic which will have all of us shouting out loud?
Philip (Osho11), you will be pleased to hear that Sale of the Century is back on Oz free-to-air Channel 9
It is now called Temptation. Tonight a sheila is playing for the lot, risking A$160,000 in cash and prizes (she's going for the A$500,000 in gold bullion)
Am I making your mouth water?
When r u coming to oz? How is Chris and both your families?
By the way, where is Snow White (or Iqbal, or dung dung ....), haven't heard from him yet.
Jeff M is yet to come on board. Hey Jeff, if you see Pat Dias, let him know about this site. I understand he lives almost next door to you.
Lawrie, sorry still cannot place you. A photograph may jog my memory. Remember Jenny though who used to live near Goltalab. Why are you called Passion Flower?
Who on earth is ashtray (is it Ash from Marquis street?) - think he had a brother named Peter and a nice looking sister. Brain baba should know who I'm referring to as he used to date some country chick (wanda) who he met thru ash.
Finally, tried goltalab's blog but it does not work. Maybe, he is bs'ing us all or he has misspelled the link. Anyway, goltalab, say hi to Penny for me
Take care all you khankis
brian
errol needs to send you an invite to become a team member of his blog
i believe this gives you the ability to then post pix to his blog
alternatively, create your own blog and post the pix there
just go to
http://www.blogger.com/home
and click on "create a blog"
then follow the bouncing ball
p.s. how's your modem going?
now the conversation is fast...it's becoming tough to keep up...I think we need a chat site....or maybe Passion flower will send the tickets for the reunion soon.
"Helmet head" - HA!HA! HA!HA!
Silver Streak if you are talking of Patrick Dias who married Michelle Duncan, he lives near me...I'll get in touch...btw Jeff also lives near me.
Osho can't handle the high standard (or the violence)of the GAB quizzes.
Any of you guys realize that only Dome is "worried" about his "lover"- Cadbury(should I invite him to join, now that I have his nickname?)
"Puppy" is reserved exclusively for Barry. Right?
How do we archive the old comments?
It's difficult to keep scrolling.
REMINDER - Uncle Ryan Francis' birthday on Mon 27th.
Eugene Lazarus (who finally married Jenny) on Mon 4th and Dungdung on Sun 10th.
Dusty balls why dont you "collapse comments" as mentioned on the top of the page? I am figuring out this archiving thing, just wait a bit.
Passion flower, what's with you and Nigel? You even mentioned that you just about managed to get "hold" of him etc. etc. Hope it wasn't Nigel's DICKunha.
As for the rest of you, I keep telling you fellas, reply to my Hello invite and you guys can post pix on this blog.
Slob, I know its way too late but I forgot to congratulate you and Millie for the 17th of June. Did you party?
Hey Dome,
Archiving is a breeze. Just go to the following links. You can set the archiving frequency to weekly (daily or monthly) and publish them to a Post Page.
This will enable late comers like Jeff M and Snow White to read earlier stuff.
To archive yours posts you need to "Turn on Archiving"
http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=95&topic=21
How often your stuff is archived is dependant on "Archiving Frequency" (can be daily, weekly or monthly)
http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=99
You need to tell the blogger where to save your old stuff, ie, your Arhive Path
http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=100&topic=21
You also need to specify an archive filename. The filename will be prefixed by a datetime stamp
http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=107&topic=21
You may also publish your archived posts to a Post Page (which can be edited later and republished):
http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=731&topic=21
To find out how to enable Post Pages, goto:
http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=732&topic=21
To find out how to change the date format in your blog and/or archive goto:
http://help.blogger.com/bin/answer.py?answer=78
For help on most stuff, goto Blogger Help site:
http://help.blogger.com/
Happy archiving
Seems like Texy is actually a techie! Screw all that ...it's too much of a hassle I'll just keep scrolling along.
It seems No oil all maida and Joseph Fern have arisen.
Passion Flower is determined to have a reunion in Cal....Osho(flourish of trumpets), Dungdung, Jeff (Scrooge?), myself, etc., are already here....the rest of you please contact Lawrie for your air tickets.
OK PEOPLE SORRY TO BREAK THIS UP BUT I JUST GOT SAD NEWS THAT BRIAN ROBERTSON'S SISTER (IN THE U.K.) IS IN A BAD WAY. SHE'S BEEN UNWELL FOR SOME TIME NOW.
Texy, thanks! I'll try and do that right away.
Texy, I went to settings and have asked for daily archiving. Doesn't seem to be working. I'll have to try it again
What? No news? Are you guys slacking of or what?
I thought I'd get the ol' SVP room for our reunion but we've been excommunicated, so I thought the next best thing would be to book the GAB. Just settle on a date. Sorry OSHO(Flourish of trumpets)no air-conditioning.
Goltalab haven't heard anything from you for some time....expected some comment when your old friend Cadbury came in. He's still missing a couple of jocks and holds you responsible.
BTW I met Rommy in Oz and again in Cal I think he's lost his marbles.
Where the hell are Bunglu and Joseph? Thank God we are not ACE's...as least it's not below our dignity to blog!
What about Chris Dias? Must get him here so we can hassle him about the trophy that SHYC refused to give.
Slob, saw your mail just now. Nice name - Penny Lover. Do you remember Say You Say Me at UDI? That was another nice name.
Sheila Feeler has not posted any snaps on my blog as far as I know. He sent them by email.
As for your Trojan Horse problem.It is very much like getting CLAP - you get desperate, and end up with a cauliflower coming out of your bone. Better be careful in case you're looking for some "new material."
Brian R - what is wrong with Cheryl?
Dusty Balls - I like the way you indicate Osho. I shall do the same from now on. Maybe a Blackberry doesn't allow blogging, that's why Joe isn't doing it as yet. Who else could be having a Blackberry, perhaps Osho ( Pom Po Pom Po Pommmm)might be able to enlighten us. No excuses for Banglu and his black berries.
Slob, I don't remember who was kicked out first, maybe Dung Dung, but I do remember Banglu NOT getting hobbed out, Or was it at the camp?
slob, your blog is NOT at www,kiwikhanki.blogspot.com.
It is at http://kiwikhanki.blogspot.com.
slob, your blog is NOT at www,kiwikhanki.blogspot.com.
It is at http://kiwikhanki.blogspot.com.
Osho ( Pom Po Pom Po pommmm) are you taking part in the Tata Crucible Quiz on 17th July? How tough is this quiz? We at Outlook want to put up a team.
slob
if you can read this, download a program call Hijack This and run it on your pc.
It will give you a report on any changes to your registry which is where the trojan probably gets itself started when you launch windows. You do not need to install, just create a folder HJT and copy (or extract if a zip file) the files in there.
You can tell Hijack This to remove suspect registry settings and also to delete files on reboot. This is necessary because you may not be able to delete a malicious program while it is running. They are a pain in the ass.
Preferably do the above in Safe Mode and turn off System Restore feature (assuming you are running XP)
Another way to find out what is in your startup is run the command "msconfig", (click, on Start, Run, then type msconfig and press enter) then go to the Startup tab. You may deselect programs that you do not want to run when windows starts.
However, malicious programs often have a way of putting themselves back in the startup, which is why you need to take the previous steps to get rid of them.
Sorry to bore all you guys but these extra smart assholes who write these programs should find themselves something better to do.
Anyway, the weekend's upon us and POETS day is just about over.
Here's a joke I came across at work:
I was asked to run a marathon, I said, "Piss off".
They said come on, it's for spastics and blind kids.
Then I thought, fuck it, I could win this.
Cheers to all and take care
Passion Flower, keep those words coming in. I'll try replying later. Meantime I'm engrossed in reading a dictionary.
Texy. I thought you worked for the Australian Army ( or navy). Pretty intelligent army.
Osho ( Pom Po Pom Po Pommm) might as well enter the written round. For the first time some of my colleagues are interested.
Dustyballs, you need to click on one of the archive links.
Looks like everyone (including myself) is actually adding their new comments to the archive instead of the current posts page.
No wonder you got confused.
We have to blame Dome (sorry mate) for not giving bloggers clear enough instructions.
And Dome, i guess it's the civvies in the army that make it smart!
Looks like Slob is well and truly Trojaned out of blogdom.
Maybe, JeffM and Snowwhite are too.
Good to know Cheryl is better now, poor thing.
After a nice sunny weekend in Perth, am not looking forward to the week ahead. Can't wait for the next POETS day.
Take care all of you and keep the bullshit flowing.
Texy - You've got to help all of us out. When I open Khnakis in the office, I see the blog in a very different way from what happens at home. In the office, I see the original post with ZERO COMMENTS. I click on the comments and a huge never ending list comes up.
At home, I see 2 archives and the snaps I posted on the blog. How is that possible? Does it have anything to do with WINDOWS versions? I have XP pro at work and 2000 server at home. I've been trying to figure out all this tech stuff myself but I guess I've got some way to go. Gosh, I wonder what everyone else is doing to post comments on this blog. No wonder Banglu and Dung DUng have not joined in yet.
Dusty Balls, are you sure that Dung Dung can be reached at aruna.gomes @rediffmail.com? I have received NO indication whatsoever.Is everything alright with them? Has Dung Dung turned religious or something? Has anyone else managed to squeeze out some reply from DD? Maybe he's set his preferences to reject profanities, though I haven't got mailer daemons as yet.
Goltalab / Penny Lover - long time no read. Post a few pix, we'd all like to see your sixpack.
Passion Flower - my carefully WORDED reply to you will have to wait. Stop being childish - there's a big difference between NigelDICKUNA and DICKtionary.Oh, so now I get it. That's where you get all your sudden verbosity from - someone's DICKtionary.
So that's it! All you shitheads have fucked up! Now instead of just scrolling down one endless list we have to go to archives make little notes then go back to the main page and blah blah blah.
All this high tech blogging, taming Trojans and buying tickets online and you screw up a simple thing like this ....back to main page
Dome, please read my comments re your problem on your original post page
click on the link that says "current posts"
this will take you to:
khankis.blogspot.com
most of the recent comments are in the comments link below the last pic
hey this is your blog and you need to stamp your authority on it and set the ground rules
why are we posting to an archive?
i think dustyballs was on the right track - small wonder he thought everyone had gone on a vacation to mars
osho and brianr, where have you disappeared to?
I think we have gang-banged this blog outta shape!
This is where we will all be in future right? Or better Current Post?
Texy, hold your horses (Trojans included)......no more hi-tech instructions for the next couple of weeks.
Goltalab has quietly disappeared. So has Sheila F. Osho(Pum Pum Paraah!)is probably off meditating.
walter
i think i have figured out what you need to do to rid us of all the confusion
goto blogger.com
logon on as dome with your password
select new post (the one with the green plus sign)
(while there check out other tabs and their settings)
give it a name and publish it
if you make a mistake you can delete the new post and start again
we can then start commenting in the new post instead of filling up your archive
n.b. the new post should appear at the top of your main page (it may take some time)
Goto Texy's Blog! to see an example of the above
I saw your emails, slob and dusty balls.Nice to know that Ramona will be joining in.
Won't it be nice if some other people also join in? eg - Gillian Saldanha, Susan Jacques, Carol (nee) Collins, and how about Charmaine Rustom, and Jillian Gomes? Sharon Monnier, who stays in England now, and most of all, Little Maria Goodall! Eh, Osho ( Pom Po Pom Po Pommm)? Remember the good old days when you used to be madly in love with her? Remember " To my loving boyfriend Philip from one and only Girlfriend Maria" on Musical bandbox. Remember, Massachussets by Bee Gees?
fefgegrgrgfg
Hey Fuckas!
thats meee-Banglu!
DOME did'nt send me an invite so I can't register--that fuckhead!
Good to see the SVP gang is in town.
What say we head on to Angoras for a cup of cha?
Who is the fat fuck in the pictures-looking like a mafia hood from Bombay?
when are some of you pimpus coming to see me in Bangkok?
Silverstreak,
DOME got his name cos he loves watching the sweepresses bathing at the tank.
Brian R. is not allowed his real name.
Slobby,
Do as silverstreak says? Post the log from Hijack this on SWI Forums (Powered by Invision Power Board)-they will analyse and advise you. Also try Spyware doctor from download.com.
Hey BCDAs! ACE Bunglu has finally figured out how to get here!
However, the Prick wants to go back to the beginning of the conversation....chutia!
Anonymous tried to join in but looks like he's tongue tied.
Dome will you stop learning new things! And Texy will you stop egging him on!
hey khankis, please send your email address to dome via the post at the top of dome's blog
Huh Osho!
Have no clue what you're babbling about. when did I ever say one word about your wife?
by the way Slobby, say Hi!to the wife for me.If there was ever a girl could bring your ass in line ,she's it.
Last time your'll were in Bangkok ,your'll fucked off to the airport without giving me my TShirt
with the "Ganja" plant picture that your'll had bought for me, I'll have you know.
Passion flower, where is Pat Pong St.You got a Pat Pong st. in Canada??
Texy, are U in Oz? How the fuck can someone living down under be called Tex?
Whoops!Osho-just saw an email from Paul-seems cantunis is Christine's
email ID-I thought it was yours -escuseee please.
Dusty bollocks!
Anonymous was I doing a test run on the BLOG.
Dusty bollocks!
Anonymous was I doing a test run on the BLOG.
Bharvas and Bhanchods!
Something to get you going....
=============================
Kids explain bible
The following statements about the Bible were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected (ie. bad spelling has been left in):
'In the first book of the Bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off.'
'Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.'
'Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark.'
'Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.'
'Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night.'
'The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with the unsympathetic Genitals.'
'Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.'
'Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles.'
'Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.'
'The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the 10 amendments.'
'The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple.'
'The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery.'
'Moses died before he ever reached Canada.'
'Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the battle of Geritol.'
'The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him.'
'David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.'
'Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.'
'When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.'
'When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.'
‘Jesus was born because Man had an immaculate contraption.'
'St John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head.'
‘Jesus said the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you.'
'He also explained, "A man doth not live by sweat alone."'
'It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.'
'The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 decibels.'
'The epistles were the wives of the apostles.'
'One of the opossums was St Matthew who was also a taximan.'
'St Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage.'
'A Christian should have only one spouse. This is called monotony.'
Bless their little hearts!
=====================================================================
Car Trouble
My wife telephoned me because she couldn’t get the car started.
"I think there's water in the carburettor, she say’s"
"Dear, I say… if you know there’s water in the carburettor, why do you need my help?"
"Well it’s like this." She said… “I put my foot on the wrong peddle and ended up driving into the swimming pool.”
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Cheap Viagra
Viagra can now be purchased at a huge discount under its generic name. Just ask your doctor or chemist for the generic Viagra known as: Mycoxaflopin.
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Funny Thoughts
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world "up over"?
Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Does killing time damage eternity?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?
Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?
Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
Daylight savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
Do pilots take crash-courses?
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? [NOTE: Geo.
Washington's picture is on a quarter]
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
How can there be self-help "groups"?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
How many weeks are there in a light year?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If athletes get athlete's foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
If cats and dogs didn't have fur would we still pet them?
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
Why do they call it "chili" if it's hot?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?
Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
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Funniest One Liners
Funniest One Liners
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol
I intend to live forever - so far, so good
I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Give a man a free hand and he'll run it all over you.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Join the Army, meet interesting people, kill them.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Wear short sleeves! Support your right to bare arms!
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
Black holes are where God divided by zero.
All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.
I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
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What do you get when you cross a vibrator with an anteater?
An armadildo.
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Yo mamma is so ugly, two rapist broke into her house.
She screamed "RAPE!!!" They yelled "NO!!!" and ran out the door
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Deja Moo:
The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.
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This guy goes to sperm bank to give a sample.
So the girl At the front desk says to him. " Thank you for coming."
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Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Just think how much deeper the ocean would be if sponges didn't live there.
I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd be gone. I said, 'The whole time.'
So what's the speed of dark?
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
I just got skylights put in my place. The people who live above me are furious.
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
If it's tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Isn't Disney World a people-trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word `lisp' to have an 's' in it?
How come 'abbreviated' is such a long word?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?
Why are they called buildings when they're already finished? Shouldn't they be called builts?
Why are they called apartments when they're all stuck together?
Why do banks charge you a 'non-sufficient funds' fee on money they already know that you don't have?
If the universe is everything, and scientists say that the universe is expanding, what is it expanding into?
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
When two aeroplanes almost collide, why do they call it a near miss? It sounds like a near hit to me!
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Why are there five syllables in the word 'monosyllabic'?
Why do scientists call it 'research' when they are looking for something new?
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
Why is it that when a door is open, it's ajar, but when a jar is open, it's not a door?
If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
Should you trust a stockbroker who's married to a travel agent?
Is boneless chicken considered to be an invertebrate?
Do married people live longer than single people do, or does it just SEEM longer?
I went to a book store and asked the saleswoman, 'Where's the self-help section?' She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose.
If all those psychics know the winning lottery numbers, why are they all still working?
Isn't the best way to save face to keep the lower part shut?
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Things that are annoying
People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. 'I know where my watch is buddy, where the f*** is yours?' Do we point at our crotch when we ask where the toilet is?
People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.
When people say, 'Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too.' Piss off. What good is a goddamn cake if you can't eat it?
When people say, `It's always in the last place you'd look.' Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do some people do this? Who and where are they?
When people say, while watching a movie, 'Did you see that?' No, shit-for-brains, I paid $15 to come to the cinema and stare at the f***ing ceiling up there. What did you come here for?
People who ask, `Can I ask you a question?' don't really give you a choice, do they?
When something is 'new and improved' - which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
When a cop pulls you over and then asks if you know how fast you were going, say: `You should know, arse hole, you pulled me over.'
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Male chauvinist
How many male chauvinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. Let her do the dishes in the dark.
What is love?
The delusion that one woman differs from another.
What is the difference between your wife and your job?
After five years your job still sucks.
Why did God create lesbians?
So feminists couldn't breed.
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
Because they don't have balls.
What's the difference between your bonus and your dick?
You don't have to beg a woman to blow your bonus.
Why is a woman like a laxative?
They both irritate the shit out of you.
What s worse than a male chauvinist pig?
A woman who won't do as she's told.
Why are wives like condoms?
They both spend too much time in your wallet, and not enough time on the end of your dick.
Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.
How many men does it take to fix a vacuum cleaner?
Why the hell should we fix it? We don't use the damn thing.
What is a wife?
An attachment you screw on the bed to get the housework done.
How are women like parking spaces?
The good ones are taken and the rest are handicapped.
Why do women have tits?
So men will talk to them.
Why do women close their eyes during sex?
They can't stand to see a man having a good time.
What's 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A $100 bill.
Why do women have periods?
Because they deserve them.
Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares - what was she doing out of the kitchen anyway?
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women's t-shirt with slogan
Slogans for women's T-shirts:
• I'm out of estrogen - I have a gun.
• Guys have feelings too. But like... who cares?
• I don't believe in miracles. I rely on them.
• Next mood swing: six minutes.
• And your point is?
• I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.
• I'm busy. You're ugly. Have a nice day.
• Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.
• Of course I don't look busy... I did it right the first time.
• Why do people with closed minds always open their mouths?
• I'm multi-talented: I can talk and annoy you at the same time.
• Do NOT start with me. You will NOT win.
• You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP
• All stressed out and no one to choke.
• I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.
• How can I miss you if you won't go away?
• Sorry if I looked interested. I'm not.
• Objects under this shirt are larger than they appear.
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those b'chodas who have not started commenting on Dome's new post, try the Quick and Dirty IQ Test !
p.s. hope you don't all claim to be einstein (osho excepted)
sorry banglu , i am in perth
gosh u must have been pissed when i left in 1988
how ru anyway and what on earth r u doing in bangkok?
Banglu, you sure made up for all the days you weren't blogging! Incidentally, I have sent out invites to your respective emails, though they seem to be pending
( when I last checked in settings.)And that Fat Fuck happens to be me.
Osho ( Pom Po Pom Po Pommm) Don't take it too hard. That Maria episode was simply irresistable. I'm sure others will be similarly picked on sometime about their exflames. I forgot to mention Michelle Vaz in that list.
Passion Flower - please DO NOT pass on any comments to Charmaine Rustom. You'll have to take Texy's OK for that. Say Hi to Andrea's folks.
Dome, see my reponse to your questions in your recent post
passionflower, it is okay to say hi to charmaine, i chat with her occasionally on msn messenger, tell her to say hello to ian too
also, in case you are not aware, her cousin jillian gomes (now mantosh), who dome mentioned in his list of old flames, was also my girlfriend
however, i would refrain from saying hello to her as her hubby may not appreciate it
Lowra Pattipong!
So the rest of the world is so backward! Check this folks--""(we have a brand of condoms her in Canada called Trojan) ""'.
PIMP! Trojans were manufactured in the States, my Canadian BHARVA!
Egotisticalulubacious Fuck!
And Pat Pong is a sex street in Bangkok , not a woman ,ignoramus!
Howz it going ,my friend?
Hey! Everybody should just use this fucking page and scroll down-click collapse comments to see the last few comment (see Egg Rolls, a.k.a Hair Holes) email instructing all you dumb fucks in the basics of simple web navigation . All this shit with archiving is way too complex for these simple St. Mary's fools.
Hey Slobby!
Who was it when once we were outside St. Mary's and he walked by and the test results were out that day and somebody said "so and so just passed by " and you said "No--he failed" That was nasty!
By the way, khankis!-- do any of your'll listen to a band called 'Manic street preachers'-they have a song called "Tsunami' recorded way back years ago before the storm even hit Phuket in Thailand.
Somebody pls say something!!!!It's the weekend for fuck's sake!!
Brian R. a.k.a Sheila Feeler!
this refers to one of your earlier posts--how the fuck do you know about locks of hair from females-I used to be too high those days-would talk anything(still do) with a girl to get it on--Paul's right!
You sly fuck!I still wanna know how you know shit like that.
BRIAN r. A.K.A brain baba( according to Texy mexy),
Check this!
so after talking this sweet romantic bullshit this girl from Cal sends me a card with a HUGE ASS LOCK of HAIR.This is 1989 -I'm in New York.
I keep the card-several years later I'm in Florida, Tallahassee.
Friend of mine is crashed on the couch -totally hung over,drunk like a skunk.So I hand him the card and he opens it and nearly shits his pants.You have any idea what a BIG ASS LOCK of HAIR looks like 4 years later.Har De Har!
This is for all fuckheads lke JoJo who don't know how to get here----
===================================JoJo fuckhead!
Go to dome's BLOG!
Scroll to the end!
There is a link -text says 114 odd comments!
click on the fucking link!
new window pops up.
with messages from all the SVP bharvas and bhencodurams!
you'll see a text box where u can enter your 2 paisa comments.
enter your two paisa comments.
one radio button says "Other"
click on the fucking "Udder"
enter your nickname-eg:ACE BOKACHODA
Click "Publish your comments"
and off you go!
Cheers!!
===================================
Khankis!
I wish to bring your attention to this earlier post by Dusty Bollocks
regarding Pat Eaton and the AICUF camp:
"Anyone has any news on Father Pat Eaton our old friend? In case any of you remember, You Sheila Feeler,and Snowwhite, I only said "but WE love you father" because WE wanted to go for the camp.Just a clarification that is long overdue. "
BUT WE LOOOOVE YOUUUUU FODDDAH!
HA HA HA! OH YEAH!
WHO HAS THE LONGEST FACE IN CAL?
FATHER PAT EATON.
WHY?
BECAUSE IT GOES FROM HERE (PUT YOUR FINGER AT THE BACK OF YOUR HEAD) TILL HERE (NOW TOUCH YOUR CHIN).
Sorry dusty bollocks!
This time you've been unintentionally black balled.
The above quotes belong to DOME-so Dusty Balls don't send me any mails
giving me shit,O.K.
Slobby, where the fuck r U?
Bungloo you khunt! Will you stop blabbering. We understand you came in a little late....but for fucks'ake please don't try to make up for it. And another thing, will you stop compiling everybody's jakes and then publishing them like some original work of art.
Anyway, now that that's out of the way let me congratulate you on your comments to Passion Flower...hahaha! "Introducing" Trojan!! Next he'll be telling us that Angoras are actually a type of sheep, not a teashop!
Next bank holiday is 15th Aug....look out for Osho's(Pom Pom PAraaah!)message.
BTW happy CANADA DAY to all in Canada (you may participate in AIR CANADA's contest to fly to CANADA!!)
Goltalab what happened? No comment?
Where's Sheila F?
Vimla is Vimla D'Souza or something...she married Beverly Bucassin or Mocassin or whatever.
Everyone fucked off for the weekend? Or again stuck in some archive? Most probably terrified to open this page in front of your wives at home huh?
Was just going through the earlier messages and then these weird lines suddenly popped into my head..."AND GOD WILL ANSWER MY PRAYERS, AND GIVE ME THE GIRL OF MY DREAMS THERESE!"
Any comments? Maybe I should ask the great Osho(Pum Pum Paraah!)what it means.
Banglu
ALright it was me. What can I say, I'm proud to be the MARTYR who had to claim love for Fr Pat Eaton, just so YOU FUCKING DEGENERATES could attend the camp! In fact, all of you should be thanking me instead of making fun!
As for JoJo, does anyone have a simple write up on HOW TO ACCESS A BLOG ? The article shud contain elaborate diagrams, or better still, cute pictures of cartoon characters leftclicking on a mouse with the cursor pointing to some URL. Poor fellow, is really having a problem. I've sent him the URL in letters of gold and in a very large font size, so, that four eyed bugger can hopefully see it with ease now.
Can you change the name of this blog? "Blog of the Good Shepherd" or something? MAybe then Holy Jo will be able to start publishing his knobby messages.
Banglu, the nostalgia column was good....stop the frigging Jokes page ok?
Since we are hooked onto nostalgia, does anyone remember the time when Banglu's face became absolutely white? It was at the Kharagpur or Midnapore camp. Someone had scribbled ( with toothpaste I think) on Paul's suitcase, among others. The ensuing fracas had Steven Cuntcessio scratching Mark Pinheiro all over his tits. Finally all decided to find out the real culprit and paste the shits out of him. I happened to go upstairs to get something from my bag when I noticed Banglu wiping Paul's suitcase like his life depended on it. His face which was white as snow, displayed true fear.
Also, does anyone remember the fight between Joe "I'm talking to you, cunt..." Fernandes and Adrian Williams?
Hello Gaandus with short memories!
The Paul-Jeff wrestling is a figment of Bungloo's Sheep-shit riddled imagination.
Dome the other incident.... SOmeone(later turned out to be lily livered Bunglu da bitch)threw my track jacket into the bogs. I tried to find out who and everyone including Michael Carneiro blamed MArk P. I ended up getting stoned and writing some message to Mark with his troothpaste, shaving cream and Odomos both inside and outside his suitcase. This was during a session. As soon as I rejoined the session with a smug look on my face, the real culprit slunk off to repair the damage...the only reason you caught him was because you were sneaking off for a shit! Later when MArk was challenging me to a fight, Bungloo wouldn't even hold my fag and tea while I fought...that's what made me suspicious....but the truth only came out years later!
Remember poor Georgie Jennings and the water balloons and the bucket of water in his bed?!!! Horrible shit!
Hey how 'bout Little Billy 2
Det wus a gooood wan
SOme Bong jokes:
Q: How does the Bong learn the alphabet?
A : A for Orange, B for Bhegetable....
Q : How does a Bong relax in the evening?
A : He goes to the Howrah Breeze to get some Bridge.
Q : What does the Bong do first in the morning?
A : After baking up from hees slip, he removes the bed-shit.
Bengal Fights Back - Palao Regiment
I. Blady war on our boarder,
Sons of Bengal bheel crush these hoarders. All join CRP and Army,
Bugger Chinese must flee.
2. Recruiting offishsars taking names,
Whife say Bholanath don't be shamed,
Put your name on top of the least,
Phor phree clothing and phresh pheesh.
3. To the depoh all are sent,
Banerjees, Choudhurys all did went,
Debs, Deys, Duttas and Das,
Shaking posterior with big arse.
4. Guptos, Ghosh, Guhas and Mondols,
Looking like many dhobi bundles,
Mookherjees, Chatterjees, Mazumdars and Mitters,
Grinding tooths for hurt (heart) is bitter.
5. Shum-one is shouting tarn to right,
Phor medical exam and eyeshight.
Doctor is telling undress phull,
But I am feeling blady phool.
6. Doctor putting tape around chest,
Breathe in and out and dam the rest.
Myself feeling bhery sai (shy),
Doctor is pheeling near thigh.
7. Now for khaki clothing go,
I am rushing but dhuti tore.
Pushing, heaving, jostling and banging,
But I pheel something is hanging.
8. Clothes not criteria, not to worry,
Bholanath Sen nebher pheel sorry.
Phor Sons of Bengal least care,
Any dam cloth we bhere.
9. Donning bush coat and khaki pant,
Boots and belt with cap on Cantt.
I am looking jolly swank,
Surely I wheel gate offishsars rank.
10. Shum-one shouting 'at-tention',
But how to fight without gun,
Now offishshar shouting phall in quick,
Jumping, gibing blady kick.
11. Marching smirtly in jauntless phasion,
Bengal's hurt (heart) is barning with passion.
Gibe us guns and habe compassion,
We can't fight in nonsense phasion.
12. News is comming bhery grabe,
Whife says Bholanath be brabe.
Shosur and Shashuree shitting tight,
Why phor are they getting phright.
13. NEFA area we must defend,
Bengal heroes to the end.
Nebher mind cease-phire planed,
We will phight with chata in hand.
14. Asham border getting hotter,
What I care for whife and daughter.
Chinese buggers I will slaughter,
Oh by God I am passing water.
15. Chinese buggers all good fighters,
Sons of Bengal mostly writers.
Let the jawans phight with knibes,
We are palaoing to our whifes.
16. Whife is telling Bholanath be bold,
So I am gibbing all her gold.
Market prices bhery phunny,
Raaskel buggers are making money.
17. People gibbing a lot of guph,
Communist being rounded uph.
They are telling going to go,
Yes, I telling but hurt (heart) saying no.
18. When I hear the bugle call,
I will eat my macher-jhoal.
Like true Son of Bengal I palao,
Clutching dhuti, kombol and all.
19. Chinese buggers comming whild,
I am hide with behind high.
They are gibbing battle cry,
While I pray for Kali Mai.
20. Now I am asking all of you,
Hindus, Muslims,Sikhs and Anglos too.
Pray Chinese do not come,
Phor all will die weeth bullet in bum.
Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods.
>>>She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.
>>>
>>>The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will
>>>grant you three wishes."
>>>
>>>The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I
>>>failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes.
>>>
>>>Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman
>>>said, "That's okay."
>>>
>>>For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in
>>>the world.
>>>
>>>The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make
>>>your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom
>>>women will flock to".
>>>
>>>The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most
>>>beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's
>>>the most beautiful Woman in the world!
>>>
>>>For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the
world.
>>>The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the
>>>world. And he will be ten times richer than you. " The woman
>>>said,"That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is
mine."
>>>So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world!
>>>
>>>
>>>The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd
>>>like a mild heart attack."
>>>
>>>Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.
>>>Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you.
>>>
>>>Stop here and continue feeling good.
>>>
>>>Male readers: Please scroll down.
>>>
>>>
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>>>
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>>>
>>>
>>>
>>>The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife!!!
>>>
>>>
>>>Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really
>>>smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show
>>>
>>>PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes to
>>>show that women never listen!!!
>>>
Larry and Bob wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00 between
them.
Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the
butcher's shop and spent the $2.00 on one large sausage.
Bob said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all!"
Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."
They went into the pub where Larry immediately ordered two double shots
of Jack Daniels.
Bob said, "Now you've lost it! Do you know how much trouble we will be
in?
We haven't got any money to pay for this!"
Larry replied, with a smile," Don't worry - I have a plan. Cheers!"
They downed their drinks. Larry said "OK! I'll stick the sausage through
my zipper and you get on your knees and put it in your mouth." Said and
done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They
continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for
free. At the tenth bar, Bob said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this
anymore.
My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!" Larry said, "How do you
think I feel? I lost the sausage at the third bar!"
Shanta-Banta Jokes:-
Santa's friend: How was your exam?
Santa: It was okay but I couldnt' answer the past tense of THINK. I thought, thought and thought and then I wrote "THUNK".
Santa Singh's thought for the day: If Kans knew that Devki and Vasudev's 10th son would kill him... why the hell did he put them in the same cell?
Santa receives a call.
"Sir, you can win out top prize of million dollars instantly if you asnwer with a NO to my first question. Are you ready?
Santa: YES, YES!
Man: Santa singh where were you born?
Santa: Punjab
Man: Which part?
Santa: Oye, part part kya kar raha hai ? Whole body born in Punjab.
Santa Singh says women confuse him.
Why?
Santa says, "Before marriage they expect a ma,. after marriage they suspect a man and once the poor fool is dead, they respect a man!"
Titanic is sinking. Santa Singh claims he knows land is just 200 metres away. Trusting him an American jumps into the water.
American to Santa: Which way is land?
Santa: 200 metres downward .
Lady comes to bookstore where Santa is store manager.
Lady to Santa: Where is the self-help section?
Santa: Won't tell you
Lady: Why not?
Santa: If I told you it would defeat the purpose.
Why was Santa singh staring at the carton of orange juice?
Because it said, "Concentrate".
How would you recognise Santa Singh in the classroom?
Santa Singh would the only boy who would erase his notebook when the teachers will wipe the blackboard.
Four hi-tech inventions by Santa Singh:
The waterproof towel
The solar powered torch
A book on how to read
Pedal-powered wheel chair.
Santa Singh ordered a pizza.
The waiter asked, "Should I maike four pieces or eight?"
Santa Singh replied, "Just make four, I won't be able to eat eight."
Once Santa went to the eye-specialist.
Doctor to Santa: What's your weight?
Santa: 75 kgs with specs
Doctor: And without the specs?
Santa: I don't know because I can't read without the specs.
Banta Singh to Santa Singh: If you tell me what I have in my basket here, all the eggs are yours.
If you can tell me how many there are, all eight will be yours.
If you tell me what bird do they belong to, I'll give the hens as well.
Santa Singh to Banta: Oh no, that's a tough one, at least give me one hint!
Santa Singh went to a car battery shop and asked for his battery to be changed.
Mechanic to Santa: Exide laga doon?
Santa Singh: Doosri side tere gharwale lagayenge kya?
Santa Singh won Rs 20 crore on a Rs 20 lottery ticket .
The dealer gave him Rs 11 crore after deducting tax.
Santa to dealer: Give me Rs 20 crore or give me back my Rs 20!
Santa Singh and Banta singh were fighting after finishing their exam.
Teacher: Why are you two fighting?
Santa Singh: The fool left his answer sheet blank.
Teacher: So?
Santa Singh: Even I have left my answer sheet blank. Now you will think that we have copied
First year students at Med School were receiving their first anatomy
class with a real dead human body. They all gathered around the surgery
table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor began the
lecture by telling them, "In medicine, it is necessary to possess TWO
important qualities as a doctor;
the FIRST is that you not be disgusted
by anything involving the human body."
To illustrate, he pulled back the
sheet, stuck his finger in the anus of the corpse, withdrew it, and
stuck it in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing," he told his
students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but
eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and
sucking on it.
When everyone finished, the professor looked at them and said,
"The
SECOND most important quality is observation.
I stuck in my middle
finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention."
A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.
Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well
until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he
could
arrange a divorce for him - "very quick."
The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on
the
circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"
POLE: "JA, JA, acre and half and nice little home."
LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"
POLE: "It made of concrete."
LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"
POLE: "No, we have carport, and not need one."
LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"
POLE: "All my relations still in Poland."
LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"
POLE: "Ja, we have hi-fidelity stereo set and good DVD player."
LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?"
POLE: "No, I always up before her."
LAWYER: "Is your wife a nagger?"
POLE: "No, she white."
LAWYER: "WHY do you want this divorce?"
POLE: "She going to kill me."
LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"
POLE: "I got proof.
LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"
POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put
on
shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say...
'Polish Remover'
A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, with
them are their 8 children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.
When the bus arrives,they find it overloaded and only
the wife and her eight children are able to fit in the
bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After
a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking of
the stick of the blind man and says to him: "Why don't
you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick,
that ticking sound is driving me crazy!!"
The blind man replies: "If you would've put a rubber
on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be sitting in the bus,
so shut up!!!!"
Oh boy! That was truly the best Chain email letter I've read. I'm saving it as a word file and am going to send it to all those assholes who keep sending me tearjerking, guilt inducing mails.
Sardar jokes from Penny:
Q: Why does Sardars always smile during lightning storms?
A: They think their picture is being taken.
Q: What do you call a Sardarji in an institution of higher learning?
A: A visitor.
Q: Why did 18 sardarjis go to a movie?
A: Because below 18 was not allowed !!!
Q: How do you keep a Sardarji busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Q: How do you keep a surdarji busy all day?
A: Put him in a round room and tell him to sit in the corner.
Q: Why do surds wear their hair up?
A: To catch as much as they can that is over their heads
Q: A surd going to London on a plane, how can you steal his window seat?
A: Tell him the seats that are going to London are all in the middle row.
Q: What do you do when a surdarji throws a pin at you?
A: Run like Hell....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.
Q: What do you do when a surd throws a hand grenade at you?
A: Pull the pin and throw it back.
Q: How do you make a surd (surdarji) laugh on Saturday?
A: Tell him a joke on Wednesday.
Q: What is the surd doing when he holds his hands tightly over his ears?
A: Trying to hold on to a thought.
Q: Why did the surd stare at frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said 'concentrate'.
Q: Why do surds work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
Q: What did the surd do when he noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency?
A: He turned it over and used the other side.
Q: How do you keep a surd in suspense?
A: (I'll tell you tomorrow.)
Q: Why can't surds make ice cubes?
A: They always forget the recipe.
Q: How did the surd try to kill the bird?
A: He threw it off a cliff.
Q: What's the difference between a surd and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: Why do men like surd jokes?
A: Because they can understand them.
Q: What does a surd say when you ask him if his blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.
Q: A surd ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
A: "Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
Q: What do you call a surd with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer?
A: Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
Q: What do you call a sardar who has only one drink?
A: Just-one Singh.['T'silent!]
Q: What do you call a surd in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A: A surd parade.
Q: What Surdarji will do after taking Xerox ?
A: He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes.
Q: What surdarji will do if he wants a white paper ?
(he already has one and he wants one more..)
A: He takes a Xerox of the white paper !!!
Q: THINK about it.
A: I don't have to think.... I'm surd !!
Q: How do you keep a surd busy?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper.
Surd #1: "Have you ever read Shakespeare?"
Surd #2: "No, who wrote it?"
Surd: "Excuse me sir, what time is it?"
MAN: "It's 3:15."
Surd: (puzzled look on his face) "You know, it's the weirdest thing, I have been asking that question all day, and each time I get a different answer. Are all clocks spoilt???"
Q: Why does Sardar have "TGIF" written on their shoes?
A: Toes Go In First.
Q: How can you tell when Sardar sends you a fax?
A: It has a stamp on it.
Q: Why can't Sardar dial 911?
A: They can not find the eleven on the phone.
Q: Why do recently so many surds get injured when they try to send a letter bomb?
A: In order to be modern they want to send the bomb by fax.
Q: How do you get Sardar on the roof?
A: Tell him the drinks are on the house.
Q: How many sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping?
A: Six. One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom note.
Q: Why are sardar secret agents the best in the world?
A: Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.
Q: Why couldn't the sardar write the number "eleven"?
A: He didn't know which "one" came first...
Did you hear about the sardar who signed all his checks so no one else could use them if he lost his checkbook?
"Oh, look at the dead bird."
Sardar looked skyward and said "Where, Where?"
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on. Oye, I am only following the instructions 'Answer in brief'.
This sardarji goes to the see Jurassic Park and when the Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat when his friend asks him "kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai" (What Sardarji? Are you afraid of the cinema?).Sardarji replies "Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai ki cinema hai lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata "(
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