khankis
Since Little Billy and LB2 have grown into huge threads, it may be cumbersome for some khankis to scroll. Hence I am now starting a new Nostalgia Post.
Let me tell you how Dung Dung and I got locked up in a girls' convent in Chandernagore.
It was the annual Walking Pilgrimage to Bandel, and DD, who was the ORIGINAL cradlesnatcher had the hots for a girl in class 6 or 7 at St Joseph's convent. He comes to my house and tells my mom that we are going to pray at Bandel. Naturally my mom is very happy and encourages me to go with Brian. BTW, this girl was Jason Pote's cousin, and you know how close we were to Jason in those days ( for convenience we shall call her Karina.)
We head straight for Howrah Stn and board a train bound for Burdwan. Brian and I get off at Chandernagore and take a Cycle Rickshaw for St Joseph's. While we are going, we overtake the Calcutta crowd piously walking towards Bandel. Quite a few give us dirty looks when we smile at them from the comfort of our rick.
We finally land up at the convent, and knock on the DOOR. I had to put this in caps because the door was not an ordinary one. If you've seen any Giant gates at Mughal constructions you'll know what I mean. This door was like the fucking Buland Darwaza, and made a lot of noise when doorman tried to move it a few inches at a time. Then a nun appeared and asked us our business. DD, who in those days was a legendary bullshitter, was at his best. He said that we had come to meet Karina on instructions from a Mr Jason Pote! He said that since we were going to bandel,Mr Jason Pote had requested us to meet his cousin and take any prayer petitions from her and if possible burn a candle for her at Bandel! This nun who did not believe us one bit directed us to wait in the parlour and in the same breath asked the durwan to LOCK the gates. She then told us that she was going to ask the girl if she knew us and needed to know our names. DD without thinking identified himself as Michael D'Cruz and name me Brian. I really thought that we were going to jail that day. She then left us.
Brian and I took a look at the gate and realise that there were no escape routes in case karina claimed not to know any Michael D'Cruz. The more we waited the more tense we became. Finally DD told me not to worry. He had a plan.
He told me to hide behind the showcase and wait. He would stand at the entrance to the parlour. If there was ever a worst case scenario this was it. DD was also white with fear despite his legendary abilities and told me that in case the nun came in shouting he would draw her inside the parlour ( after checking to see if anyone else was around) and that on his signal I should come out and knock the nun out. He would then grab her keys and try and open the gate before the durwan, who had disappeared, came back. We would then run as fast as our legs would take us. I actually hid behind the showcase and brian waited for the nun who eventually appeared.
Surprisingly, she was smiling and told us that karina had said that she knew us ( that girl must have been very frustrated).
Then the girl came down and Brian chatted with her ( in front of the hawk eyed nun) and we departed. A lot of trouble for Fuck all. We then went on to bandel and got into another rick just in time to meet the same crowd that had given us dirty stares at Chandernagore.
At Bandel we then met up with Brian R and I think Texy.
82 comments:
FUCKING BRILLIANT!!
BTW, anyone wants to read some bong jokes, click on little billy ( the original one)
Passion Flower - will fill in the details about that episode of DD's in a while. Gotta run now for an appt.
Nowadays I blog so often, I lose track of time. It's almost like hanging out everyday at the old SVP room at St Mary's.
Osho ( Peace be on Your Name) you will ofcourse remember the incident at Fancy market?
We had so little money with us that we would all pool in and hire a cab to Fancy, and watch the meter like hawks. The moment, the meter would cross 12 bucks we would get off and walk the rest of the way. Anyway, Brian comes with us to window shop, and while checking out shoes DD asks a shopkeeper for the price. The shopkeeper mentions an astronomical amount( in those days)to which DD characteristically starts shouting out loud how these shpkeepers are " fucking chuts, and robbers and makaburs etc ect"
All of a sudden, some of the shopkeepers confront him and ask him to repeat what he just said about them. DD of course did the only face saving thing then - in the same aggressive tone ( for our sake) he started shouting " Maine kya kiya, MMMMmaine KKuchh nahi kaha." The situation was really tense and we thought we were all going to be pasted by those smuggler types there. Luckily, they let it go, and asked DD to FO.
The moment we were out of earshot, DD (to save face again) starts shouting loudly about how low those MOFo's are and how he would love to give them a pasting.
Seems like DD is the most colourful coloured bugger around!
Ok fellow Khankis,
Since we are in the mood of paloing DD, here's another tale from the dirty vaults of his desperate past.
The MayQueen Ball at DI was looming on the horizon and all the gaandus had their partners/dates fixed except DD.
I was hitched up with Kleinman and Shakun had refused to go with him. Seems , at their last outing, she could not identify the digit probing her nether regions during one of the lights-off slow sessions.
Anyway the day arrived and he still had not struck any luck. That evening , while all the rest of you fuckers had somehow disappeared into the woodwork, I was suckered into riding with him on his Yezdi to make one last ditch effort at procuring a partner for him.
So there we were scouring the cityscape, going from house to house , like dodgy salesmen or even worse,Jehovah's witnesses. Every door we knocked on we he was turned down.
Finally we landed up at a house on Elliot Rd. Here too, the chick said no and finally both of us head down were walking towards his bike.
Suddenly he perks up and starts running back.
Me, " What the fuck,Brian , she's already said no"
DD," No,no" peering into someones window ," look man , she's cute, you think I should ask her ?"
Me, looking through the same window," are you bloody crazy, thats the fucking servant."
Truth be told , he would have probably asked her if I hadn't caught him by the short hairs and dragged him outta there.
The anticlimax to this episode is that while trying to kick start his bike ( a real feat ) a light bulb suddenly flashed over his head and I found ourselves sputtering towards Sandra Selwyn's house.
HolyJoe had fucked off back to wherever he had come from and Sandra was FREE. Her mom consented and DD finally walked into DI , beaming brightly as only he can, with Sandra Selwyn in tow.
That was Anne Arathoon you're talking about.
PF you have been officially elected to hunt down George Jennings.
BTW Corrine (funny Slob has mentioned her!) is happily married to a bloke called Greenway....of Cheryl Greenway who was friendly with Charles Duncan fame.
Spoke to Sheila F on the phone today...hasn't been blogging since his mouse is out of order.
Slob you mentioned a Yezdi...must have been DD's since I seem to remember yours never seem to have enough petrol.
dome
liked your tale about dung dung enroute to bandel
remember it vaguely
with the stuff he's been upto, he can write book on his escapades
maybe this is why he is keeping away from this blog
how do u guys remember all this?
Gaandus, I have a distinct feeling Holyjoe is reading the blog regularly but is not posting anything because he may not care too much for the name we've given BrianR. Hope you guys know what I mean.
Your thoughts , please .
Slob - you're right! That and the Poem Dusty Balls had mentioned sometime back about "the theme of someone's prayers." Why don't you post a motivating message for holyjoe?
Goltalab - Since you mention Naina, how can I forget the bithday party at the Coelho's. There was this game in which some balloons had to be hidden by everyone and we had to go around bursting othere people's balloons while defending our own. Since Naina was quite attractive, DD neded only this excuse to try and molest Naina. Before the game had started, he had already decided that he would ignore everyone and head straight for Naina. The sly bastard took alot of time and effort to burst two ballons that Naina first hid and then readily offered to ward off his prying hands.
His Park Hotel episode was not because of Naina. This was the time when DD inexplicably needed to do something extraordinary. So while all of us Bhookas would come at 6 am to college and cycle back home, dreaming of the day when we would be "officers."
I gues this was all that DD needed to tell us that he had been offered a fantastic job in Park Hotel. We were really impressed and so proud of him. He would come everyday to College dressed for work and after 9.40 am would ask us to reach him to Park. Osho ( Peace be on His Name) and I would walk with him and he would regale us with stories of how his work was going. We would go inside the hotel and Dd would start walking up the stairs and wave goodbye to us.He even had the guts to actually ask us to visit him in the afternoon for some free hotel food. Jenny actually went to the hotel to meet him and when told that no one by the name of Brian Gomes was on the rolls, could not believe it.
We still had no inkling and would continue to reach DD to his "office" everyday. One day Philip and I after reaching him were loafing around and decided to go to Brian R's house in Temple Street. Imagine our surprise when we see DD in his singlet enjoying himself there. He was equally shocked to see us. As was his habit, immediately after being caught, DD would vanish for 3-4 days after which he would surface as if nothing had happened.
Banglu you perverted fucking prick! What the fuck did you post yeaterday? My 7 year old son sits beside me and studies while I surf. He got the shock of his life. My Muslim maid who reads the Koran 10 times a day, was so scandalised, i think she is planning to leave. She's kept looking at me with jihadi hatred ever since. I was forced to delete that post.
Dome - Thanks for deleting the mail. I opened it in office...two different reactions...some kids(mostly freshers) think I'm a perverted old prick (that may be complimentary)others think I'm one of them (that has it's problems too!)
Bungloo you KHUNT!!! We're through with looking! We all have kids (legit and otherwise)and are happily married we don't need this sort of shit! The days of porn are not over but are reserved for special occassions. You may have been inspired by Dome's reference to his porn collection but let me tell you he's only hanging on to that so that he'll have something valuable to hand down. Meanwhile, if his Jihadi babe leaves..you will be responsible! Chodu!!
Poor Holy Jo if you post shit like this he'll be excommunicated just for looking.
And what about respect! Think of all these old fuckas
..Texy ...losing his memory, Goltalab ...exhausted after a day out with the family,etc., etc.
Holyjoe, please please please post some comments in this blog. You are the only one besides DungDung and Hatchole who hasn't given us an insight into your life. Of course we all know DD is playing Roger Rabbit and is too busy with his burrow while Hatchole,poor fellow cannot afford internet.We are starting a collection for him and should have him on by the end of the year. Of course we have to do something about his typing. If his keyboard solos were anything to go by , we are in serious trouble.
Anyway, back to you dear fellow
( prick !) We miss you and love you very much and are sorry if we have offended you in anyway ,either now or when I chucked aloo dums on your new xmas suit. Also for the times we thought you were a real dickhead and a bhurchodi, especially during one of the retreats when you started groaning so loudly during the holy spirit session we thought Neville Noronha was sodomising you. We hope you can find it in that black heart of yours to forgive us.
I also forgive you for stealing my hash when I visited you at IIT KGP,when we were tripping to Shine On and you thought I was so stoned I wouldn't notice your dirty hands reaching for my stash. Anyway thats the past and I have forgiven you BUT WILL NEVER,EVER FORGET IT , you khuntface !
So log in and lets have your shitty comment.
btw, give my love to Sandra.
Slob! You forgot to say Amen!Ask Osho(Pa pa paraam!) all prayers end with AMEN!
Anyway, it's another weekend...whaddya know...we've been blogging for over a month now, right?!! Anniversary of sorts.
PF, how goes your quest to find George Jennings? Any luck?
HolyJo you horrible whore everybody's assuming you got your jangs in a twist over something...but I know better....you see boka c das, Holyjo uses a Blackberry handheld PDA and after Bunglu's last post ...well something got buggered..the Blackberry, his black berries,his handheld, what his hand held or any combination of these.
Hey Slob you may have pissed him off with the story of DD taking Sandra for the dance!
PF, did Nigel go to New York? Maybe these to buggers have moved in together.
Sheila F, how 'bout some stories of "helmet-head"?
Spoke to DD the other day and told him that he was the centre of attraction .."I must get my computer done up",he says. Brilliant isn't he? I advised him to try for a job with Microsoft!
Ha! Ha ! That was one trip.
Here's another from the pages of Hatchole's diary.
We are on our way back from Madras where we had ostensibly gone to represent Xaviers at the IIT fest - Mardis Gras ( or something ! ) in the western music category. We were Jeff - Keyboards , Walter - guitar , Barry - drums and Errol - base guitar. Needless to say , we won sweet fuck-all , ate and shat masala dosas with watery sambhar right through our stay, smoked some hash and generally shot the breeze.
On the train back, there was this guy rolling some really pure Madras grass and so greedy fuckers that we were, and no money in our pockets as usual , we brazenly asked him for a toke. Much obliging chap that he was , he readily agreed and soon the three of us ( excluding barry - who was still recovering from the Ohio off beat ) were happily toking away.
Chuts that we were , we were also standing at the door of the train , not wanting to get the whole compartment passively stoned . As is bound to happen , with the draft from the door and smoke in our lungs , the effect was beginning to take its toll. I decided I wanted a nap , so quietly slung off and climbed to the top birth where I lay staring at the ceiling with Weather Report's Blackmarket playing in my head repeatedly.
A while later , I suddenly realised the train had come to a stop and Jeff was saying he was feeling hungry so was going to get something to eat. He and Walter stepped off the train. After a few seconds I heard a sound like somebody's throat was being choked - OOOOaaaaggggrrrrr! Oooooaaaaggggrrrrsshhh.
I climbed down the never ending fucking ladder to the bottom and staggered to the door.
There I sight that will be etched in my forever.
Walter and Jeff are both leaning with both hands on the side of the coach and "oooooaaaaaggggg , oooooaaaarrrgggsssshhhh, thuuuuu, ththuuuu" , that evenings masala dosa , the watery sambhar and some other unidentifiable shit was pouring out of these two gaandus like the Niagra falls. Their eyes were blurry with tears, their noses were running , their mouths were shit colour and they looked like they were gonna die.
Barry of course was witnessing this sight from the window as was everybody else and laughing away to glory. I dragged the poor fuckers in and sat them down .
Meanwhile the guy who had shared the grass with us had conveniently disappeared.
The rest of the journey was spent in silent stupor.
Listen arsehole, first of all you claim you were stoned. Next you claim to remember in great detail who was puking and where- Don't you think this is a little farfetched?
The truth is that Jeff and I got down to buy some masala dosas and get some water. Slob - the PARACHUTE was so stoned he could not get up from the top berth where he had perched his fat fuckin arse. SO he requests me to get some water for him. Jeff was feeling a little more brave and volunteered to come with me. So we go along the platform walking side by side, chatting. I am looking ahead when I see jeff turning his head from the corner of my eye. When I look back at him - he is a sorry mess, puking his balls off. So I go and help him and bring him back to the compartment. Errol is moaning and groaning like someone has rammed a giant dildo up his arse, and we have to literally shake him to get him out of his dream. How on earth he managed to "remember" what he didn't even see defies explanation!
Banglu - since you are dying to post pix and are too lazy to create your own blog, I will create a new post and give it an appropriate name.
On second thoughts, Banglu, there are some technical problems with a new post. If I do create a new post, you still have to post pix by creating another new post, since you can't send pix as comments. This means that when we do open Khankis, we just might suddenly see huge pix of women with 2 sets of teeth etc, staring at us. This might me a bit dicey in a "family" situation.
Incidentally my muslim maid has really left.
My best suggestion is that you take a few minutes and create a new blog with a juicy name and let us know. We'll keep this in mind when we have those special occasions that Dusty Balls was talking about.
All you have to do is :
1. click on the address window and type in the word "blogger", and hit CNTRL + ENT.
2.Blogger will open with how to create a blog in 3 easy steps. Just fill in the blanks as directed and we will have a great blog to see once in a while.
3 Give the blog a nice name.
4. Let us know.
Can someone please help Banglu with this? Passion Flower, you seem to have lots of time creating Excel sheets etc. Can you help create a new blog for Banglu?
ok ok , I humbly admit that my tale was a bit lacking in facts but , hey , you fuckers will admit it made a damn good story. As DB would agree, whats a few well placed embellishments between mates. It just makes the event a bit more fond in memory.
Like the time we had gone to Goa for a holiday. Jeff, Walter, Ashley Michael and myself.
You will remember my earlier narrative about Dome and the little mutt at the beach. Well the very same excursion is what I'm referring to.
Anyway, before hitting Goa , we had stopped off in Mumbai for a few days and my aunt had very kindly allowed us to stay in her house in Juhu. In fact she and my uncle had gone away somewhere and we had the house to ourselves.
The sleeping arrangements were thus : Jeff and myself were on the sofa-cum-bed in the hall , Ashley was staying with his aunt in Andheri and Walter had my cousin's bed in the other room.
After dinner we chatted for a while , the topic being mainly about what our chances of scoring a few shags in Goa would be and other such mundane things.
Gradually we started fading away and soon Walter departed to his bed in the other room and Jeff and myself very consciously rolled far apart from each other , almost falling off the edge and pretended to sleep , one eye slyly open ,should someone be thinking of doing the gang pounce.
As the clock ticked away the night , the street sounds started to recede and suddenly another rythmic sound began to make its presence felt. Both Jeff and myself heard it at the same time and sat up , cocking our ears. Soon we realised the sound was coming from the other bedroom and on listening a bit closer we identified it as the soft creaking of bed springs.
We both sidled out of bed and crept to the other room , the creaking sound was getter louder and faster and as we rounded the bend ......
......we beheld Dome rigorously pumping the bed , clutching the pillow under him in a tight embrace.
We didn't want to interrupt his journey being the good buddies we were, although I was getting a bit worried about the state of the bed and the bedsheets.
Soon after one last thrust , almost breaking the cot in two, a low groan escaped his lips and he sank down into the bed and lay still. After a while , we could hear him snoring peacefully , well spent.
Till this day , my aunt has not told me why she got rid of the bed and I never ventured an explanation.
Slob - that was hilarious! Also totally untrue. Boys, What Errol and Jeff were upto no one knows, but I'm sure you have heard of that saying"take the heat off me...." Just to clarify, My sexcapades were confined to the bathroom. It was jeff who had a habit of humping the bed or the ground.
Passion Flower- you are a perverted low-down scum of a degenerate. Tell me, did you do this all the time? Just imagine boys, this frustrated prick used to stick his face real close to his partner Darren's bed to measure any depressions;roll his balls over them; stroke the mid section lovingly and sniff/feel around for any bodily emissions when darren was out. Then he even admits that when I was out he did the same!! Newspapers were always kept on a side table where my sound system was. We never kept papers under our beds. So that excuse of his falls flat. What pleasure he got by ducking underneath my bed and looking for papers, not on the ground, mind you, but stuck to the springs defying gravity, beats me.
Come to think of it, now it seems clear to me - this perversion of his--- no wonder everytime one of us at TUDOR came out after having a crap, Lawrie would zip in stay for while and come out smiling with deeep satisfaction. I shudder to think what he must have done with all the dirty clothes all of us left for our wash lady.
My dear nostalgic GAANDUS!
For a while there I thought we had some prize winning stories. I thought El Slobbo had a point there about our crazy lives. Unfortunately, the stories are suddenly becoming KNOBBY!! Worse than Melvyn Friggin' Brown!
Bunglu how 'bout the time when you and Melody were into that "Blue Lagoon" scene in Digha and the cycle-rickshaw buggers nearly killed us...all I could think was "We're all gonna die in an unknown place because this snotty, black, little fucker suddenly discovered he's got a poltu!"
Dome , I think you need to clean up the blog a bit. There's a lot of junk like your Picassa posts and the Blogistics post. Maybe you should delete those as nobody's interested in those.
We can archive Little Billy and just keep Little Billy 2 for Banglus and PF's sick jokes , Nostalgia 1 for a continuation of old & fond memories and Red Letter Days till everyone fills in their details. After that we can get PF to use his excel skills and compile the data into "The Khanki Red Letter Day Calendar". That could then be archived for occasional reference. Or you, being the owner of the blog, could send out pre alerts whenever an RLD was coming up.
Your thoughts....
Looks like OshoII ( praise be his helmet head ), Texy, Mangoskin ( BrianR ) , Goltalab and Coconutscrapers are on holiday. Or maybe they're just enjoying reading the blog and have nothing to contribute.
Mangoskins, why dont you fill us in on OshoII's eyepopping, dickhopping visit to the Sydney beaches. I heard he was so enamoured of the lack of clothing on the babes that he quietly suggested to you a trip to the beach alone , free from marriage trappings, so he could ogle to his hearrt's delight.
Dome, just realised Charmaine and Mili's B'Days are on the same day.
Pleasant coincidence !
Slob - Your suggestions have been used. I have deleted the posts that were taking up space.
Passion Flower, I forgot to save the blogistics image on my comp, so will you please send it to me on mail?
As for keeping my HUGE Videocon Sound system shaped like a large cardboard carton and two HUGE speakers as big as pillars ( SLob used to sit on them) and fitting them inside my cupboard - I'm still trying to figure out how that is possible. As for the Anil wanking bit, well, This is news to me. I never would have guessed. But as for you, trust you to follow people in their private moments and then reminisce about them in excruciating detail. Tell me do you remember which hand he was using?
ok so here we have , at last, an argument. Dome, you will be pleased no doubt, even if you're in the middle of it.
I agree with PF that Dome's reputation precedes him. I remember how he once graphically described how he wanked off upside down into a bucket.
Also, when he first bought the Bhideocon Musheek Shystim , he used to lock it up in his cupboard, speakers and all for fear that me or the other two chuts would use it.
However, PF, when you walked into the "Anil wank", what the fuck was he doing with "tweezers" , for fuck sake and how come you stayed so long to even identify it as such. Dome is right in stating that we never would keep papers under the bed , so what the fuck reason did you have for checking under there unless.....you were actually trying to get off on the residual odours of all the wankers who would sleep on that bed.
The floor is yours, men ......
OK, maybe I was wrong about the music system, I would keep it under lock and key to prevent those 2 bihari chuts in the other room from robbing it. After having my porn collectionon the very first day I was on my guard ever after. I used to lock up my supply of drinking water when there was a huge crisis in Mumbai because of no rains. Old Mrs D'Sousa would not put on the pump and we would have to go to sleep without even having a bath.
But I'm glad, Slob has butted in about the newspapers. That passion Flower must have been a regular pervert.
BTW, my blog has been updated for those who are interested.
Had a bit of a to&fro with HolyJoe this afternoon thru email.
He replied to my "marriage" email - which you fuckers have got too - saying the quality of my jokes have deteriorated. So I replied saying instead of lying down and receiving like a whore , he should start sending stuff. I asked him why he has not chipped in to the blog and he says , " this blog shit doesn't work"
Will someone please send him a Dummies Guide to Blogging or maybe Banglu & PF, you guys shud clog his email with your "cutpaste" jokes till he gets off his fat arse and learns.
i like the way Banglu is asking Dusty Balls for details to HIS sexcapades.
He must have been so stoned , he probably doesn't remember if he was doing Melody or the rickshaw-wallas. Thats why he needs DB's reassurance so he wont have to go to his grave guilty of having shagged a langhoti instead of what he may have thought at the time was Melody.
Go on , Dustyballs, relieve the poor fucker of this torment. Give him all the sordid details, show him that he is still the man he thinks he is, not some faggot,phlegm dribbling piss fart, who loves shoving his dirty-fingered hand up the local rickshaw-wallas' lungis....
Sorry, PF, I cannot for the life of me remember the Indy Dance at BG. Was that the one where I paired off with Ingrid.
Also cant remember who swapped a tie for a partner. Was that DD?
There were so many dances we used to go to , they've all sorta blurred into one hazy image of live band-jive-booze-dance-booze-ogle-ogle-booze-smooch-feel kinda thing.
Passion Flower, I dont think Slob was at the dance at bandra Gym. It was lovelorn Goltalab, ( Penny was in Cal) and you who came.
I remember you happy as can be after giving Michelle the Chhata, vigorously rubbing your body on the Bandra Gym wall, and yes, you had Andrea in splits.
Passion Flower - instead of looking around for a coat of arms will you be so sweet as to update the RED LETTER DAYS post, now that Coconut Scrapers has posted her dates?
BTW, your name is spelt differently on the coat of arms. SInce you want everyone to use each others' "handles" I can't spell out your name here.
Banglu - have you run out of your jokes? Why don't you cut and paste a few more for this week's quota?
dome,
i have updated the red letter days for u
i have changed the font colour for the names to make it more readable
btw do u remember the time when dung dung scaled the wall to gate crash into the DI 31st dance?
believe he got caught but wasn't there to witness what went on
Texy thanks for updating Red Letter Days.
Passion Flower, I guess you might as well tell us of your sporting escapades around the world, while Banglu takes his sabbatical.
So PF has upgraded himself to "INTERNATIONAL" parachute!
Hey Banglu, I remember Shane Hopley. In fact I'll never forget him because he's the motherhumper that stole my Elvis in Madison Square Garden LP and sold it on Free School St. If I remember correctly he was also caught walking off with a couple of your deosprays and your mum blew hell and high water when she found out. I also remember his sister , Priscilla, but will leave it at that.
Another tale from Hatchole's Diary.
DB, Banglu , Hatchole , Mark P and Slob used to go swimming at park hotel regularly during the summer hols. One afternoon as usual we were loitering around in the pool occasionally making forays underwater to check out some babe or the other's panties when all of a sudden Hatchole calls out. Now as all of you know , Hatchole sans his spectacles is like Stevie Wonder at night. He cant see sweet fuck-all.
We all surface and behold Hatchole free styling towards a leaf floating innocently in the aquamarine water. He reaches it and puts his hand out to cup it off the water. We all shout a warning , but too late , what his eyes could not tell him , his fingers soon did because he let out a yelp like a pup kicked in the balls and started shaking his hand frantically , trying to shake the "leaf" off his hand.
The "leaf" was the result of an accidental snort from Banglu , the phlegm dribbling piss-fart, all yellowy and gooey.
Hello Chodus!
My broadband is still buggered but I'm suffering this slow connection rather than risk becoming a dormant, free loading, no-time- for-old-friends, kinda prick like some of the other gandus....blah, blah....
Slob, good one....the Park pool party. Though I remember a net of some sort your version is passed as it the screenplay is better. An' whatcha griping about "live at MAdison Sq"..didn't I give you a copy? If you require I will.....before you say anything further, I have both versions.
Be happy!
DB, I will forever be in your debt for it. Believe me , I have searched high and low for that concert but failed to find it. Then u came along with a copy and saved the day. I still have the copy you gave me including your artful cover. It will be cherished till maybe I stumble onto an original.
BTW, mangoskins has extended the thread on LB2 so pls leave this for nostalgia stories only. While LB1 can be dedicated to cutva jokes.
Maybe when Dome finally reaches home he can label the threads and we can comment or add accordingly.
Your thoughts....
I'm back! Could not catch up for the last 4 or 5 days because Bombay is part of the Arabian sea currently. My net connection was down and all offices were closed anyway. On the 26th I had to walk home about 25 km from Sion to Thane. I started at 5 pm and reached home at 10.45pm Charmaine had to spend 2 days in a hotel in south bombay. Things are terrible right now. Will catch up later
Dome, good to see you're back. Must have been a terrible ordeal. Mumabi never seems to learn from its past. Every fuckin' year during the monsoons we lose a few days to the gods of rain but the Govt cannot handle it. This time of course the rainfall was the worst in 31 years and as all Mumbaikars know, shit happens when it rains, only this time it was much worse.
In Mili's building , all the ground floor flats had to be evacuated as water had flooded in , wrecking all the furniture and stuff.
You've got to watch out for water-bourne diseases now ( especially with Keenan and Dylan )as the aftermath of flooding in a major city like Mumbai will start taking its toll.
Anyway, glad to see you guys are safe. All the other people I know in Mumbai are also safe.
MY BROADBAND IS BACK!!!
Now you can all suffer again!
I just spent half the day reading ALL the comments on all the associated blogs. I have some requests for the following BOKACHODAS: (CS is included as a bkcda as this blog is called khankis, gender means sweet fuck-all)
CS, Holy Joe, Dry Chappati - Put your work aside and post a comment...PF owns half the continent, plays football with the likes of Donald Trump, Bill Gates etc., and still he finds the time to piss us off with his knobby comments! You have no excuse.
Texy - We understand that you have become a techy, nerd type fucka but maybe you could give us some stories from SF's murky past.
Sheila F- Get him before he gets you!
Goltalab - You're actually gonna watch Slob's balls shining in the sky?! And fur!! What the fuck are you on about? With the exception of PF none of us can afford to even look at fur!
Dome - better think up some good punishment for those khankis who are not regular!
Osho(Pam pam paraah!)- You didn't go to Mumbai? As usual you have to fuck up the plan...even the ones you make.
Bungloo- since it seems you have nothing but cutva...let me help...remember when we wacked the potatoes from the bio lab...
Slob- since you're beating yourself up over Mumbai, let me lift your spirits by reminding you about Delphine Chater....ha! ha!
PF- you'll have to pay me to remind you.
Anyone left out?
Am going to Puppy Barry's house for a party on Friday, let's see what happens.
Cheers!!
P.S. If I remember correctly Brain-on-Vacation-Mouth-Doing-Overtime Pote was instrumental in starting all this blogging...not a word from him....should we offer a thanksgiving mass?
Here's a tale from the shady dungeons of DB.
DB and Slob would regularly walk home from primary school together.
The journey home would be punctuated with little detours like locking my bro ( Mario ) in somebody's deserted bustee room , wrestling on the pavements with Concessio , looking for short cuts through people's homes , stopping to buy "churan" with plenty of "kaalanamak" from the "churanwalla" outside AG's and above all ogling at females 10 years old and above.
One day as usual, as we were sauntering down Slob's lane , this babe called Delphine Chater was coming towards us . She was quite some distance away and definitely out of hearing range.
DB's eyes immediately pop thru his specs and he says , " Hey, Errol , watch this one "
Slob looks at Delphine , appreciates her vital stats , however does not say anything as by this time she is within earshot.
As she nears us we both look down , appearing to seem like two innocent boys just going home from school ,minding their business, obviously with the weight of tons of homework on their heads.
However we stop short 'cause allofasudden we realise we cant go furthur as Delphine has parked herself right in our path.
We both look up at her and our balls reach up and grab our throats while our stomach's cringe with the effort…..
Delphine is glaring down at DB with a look that could have made him a cutva there and then.
"WATCH THIS ONE ?", she repeats , " you little runts think just because I was far away I wouldn't hear but………………….. I CAN LIP READ."
DB let out a sound like he was being tortured and then stammered ,"Bbbbbbut hhhowww , ah, uhmm…I'm ssssorrry"
Slob , meanwhile speechless as well, could just stand and stare at her boobs that presented themselves right in front of his face.
Thereafter , if we ever had to remark about some babe , we made sure we covered our mouths.
BTW, PF in case you were not paying attention, JeffM has already been khankied as Hatchole.
DB, you said something about gng to Puppy's for a party. I thought he was in Dhakka. Whats the occassion ?
Any news on the Ozzie gigs. We need to book tkts , get visas done etc. Its not our pop's airline you know ! Also since I dont own the company I work for , unlike PF , I have to apply for leave.
PF , where the fuck are the results of the project the bokas had entrusted you with. The findgeorgejennings mission. With your self proclaimed expertise in project management, inking deals and general corporate whoring around we thought you would be an ideal project manager. Of course your location helped to edge you to the tape in front of Banglu, the other Project manager , but he's too far off both physically as well as mentally.
Goltalab even gave you a few leads.
So pick up your figgin' phone and lets have your fingers tapping away some phone numbers, mate !
"The rest is irrelevant" is a phrase you used in one of your earlier long-winding posts. That is the catchline , I think for that entire day's posts of yours.
Banglu, have you noticed the Red Letter Day Calender that PF has so diligently posted or are your eyes filled only with toothy cunts.
We know your B'day's coming up this month so will you kindly post you fucking B'date so that we khankis can wish your black arse on that day. Thank you very much !
Slob, Delphine Chater is somewhere in Oz, I think. If you bump into her again LOOK STRAIGHT AHEAD....if you look down you'll be staring at her boobs again!
PF Slob is right get your rear in gear and find George!
I did some digging into archives and found out that the scrawny, black piece of dog-turd- Bungloo will be celebrating his birthday on the 29th of this month. His mom invites you all to a thanksgiving mass at the crack of dawn!
ATTENTION ALL CHODURAMPALBUXAWALLAS!
I HAVE POSTED VERY IMPORTANT COMMENT ON RED LETTER DAYS.
PLEASE MAKE IT A POINT TO READ IT AND ADD 2 PAISE/PENCE/CENTS/BAHT ETC.
Happy to oblige :
The Saldanhas house on Elliot Rd was truly one of the places where we not only learnt to dance , but that was where many a slow session with the lights off would end up with couples gradually edging off into the other bedrooms , verandah and even bathroom.
Anyway ,at one of these dances, there was quite a big crowd and as usuual the floor was being thumped to the beats of "funky town" and "mandolay".
Everyone was quite enjoying themselves, some of the guys were in the dark verandah rolling up joints, others were cracking open bottles of Old Monk rum, there was a tag dance going on so the guys were busy tagging while the chicks were coyly accepting their fresh partners and so on ....
Suddenly there was a commotion at the door and those nearest turned towards the noise. It sounded like king kong was banging on the door from the outside. Somebody opened the door to investigate and found themselves facing three huge chicks from the ground floor flat. It seemed they wanted to crash the party. A huge crowd gradually assembled at the door and an argument ensued. The chicks were claiming that Derek James had invited them for the show and were adamant that they were not going to be turned away saying , " we will not fucking leave , and will break the fucking party up..." etc.
Suddenly the crowd from inside pated like the red sea and Fr.Stephen Fernandes trudged towards the door like Moses . He fronted up to the three chicks , saying , " Now look here , I'm a priest , how dare you use abusive language around here "
to which one of the babes retorted, " we dont care if your a priest or the fucking pope, if you don't let us in we're calling the boys"
FrStephen bowed in defeat and slid away never to be seen again that night.
In the end Derek James appeared and stepped outside closing the door behind him. What he told them we will never know , but he came back in and we never heard from those 3 again.
The show continued peacefully till 6am. After that we dropped off the chicks and some of the boys rendevoused at Angoras for dalpuris and chai and a bit of note sharing.
That would be Lawrence Lobo and Michael lobo's cousin's house. I remember one very well- Dung DUng was trying to hit on a girl called Maureen ( I think) who used to work with him at Crawler Tractor, situated bang opp. Marie Stopes on Free School St. She was friendly with Michael Lobo's cousin. I remember you very well, locked in a passionate embrace with Evelyn Pope for the ENTIRE NIGHT. Paul, Errol, Philip and I were there. I can understand the stirring in your lumbar regions.
Goltalab I think you've just let yourself in for a large load of shit! We shall discuss your "stirrings" in due course.
The place you are referring to is the Francis' place....Glen, Don, Chris etc., we actually got invited to these dos through Bradford "Bullshit Guru" Fernandes.
We all remember Evelyn Pope and her ugly sisters. Obviously you do too...she must have left an impression on you...or you on her...but with that much pressure there had to be an impression.
However, the Elliot Rd place we were referring to was Debbie Saldanha's place opposite Floras.
On a more serious note...Brian R's sister Cheryl expired peacefully in her sleep on 10th.
Bungloo this is a serious message and does not require any comment from you.
Really sorry to hear about Cheryl.
I remember her as a real fun person,full of laughter and gaiety and ever ready to help anyone. While I was friendly with Gillian , the Robertsons' house was like a second home to me and the welcome I felt was because of the generosity of spirit of both Aunty Iona and Cheryl.
May her soul rest in peace.
Hello people!
Bungloo you khunt! I was just stopping you from fucking up like you usually do.
OK more bad news Brian's daughter had a fall and hit the back of her head...she is now complaining of black outs and head aches...has to have a CT scan etc.
I presume you mean DD's daughter. Thats realy sad news. How is she ? Any furthur update ?
Slob,
NOT DD's daughter!! Brian R's daughter, Sera. She is better.
Sorry about the confusion.
In class 8, the goatee could be either Mr. Gerry Lobo or Mr Nelson. Was it 8D or 8E?
PF - you're some shit stirrer!huh?!
Fortunately, everybody else on this blog knows me well enough to know that Bungloo was only adding colour to the story. So, you can go and take a flying fuck at the moon!
Bungloo - the goatee was Gerry Lobo, but the bastard was not Sharma...it was Nitin Nayar.
Also, beware of dropping too much colour on my canvas...Bastard!ha ha! That should make PF cream his jangs with joy!
Have informed our President Mr. Geoffrey Paul of our blog spot...he wants to stand the tea!
The Placebo effect:
This is something that happened a long long time ago during our ganja and charas days. Doea anyone remember Kris ( Singh)? He used to hang around with Banglu a lot and boast about how many golis he would smoke, and what concoctions he would drink.
Well one such day we decided to go for a movie at New Empire, and naturally in those days, we would only buy tickets for the "top balcony" seats if you know what I mean. We had decided that we would smoke a goli and have some of the new concoction that only Banglu could dream up.
Since Banglu and I would be smoking, we made the drink for Kris' sake. Banglu and I decided to play a trick on Kris. Instead of putting in any alcohol, we put in pure H2O or water, and added some salt and sugar.
During the movie, Banglu and I lit out joint and had a good smoke. We told Kris that he had better be careful with the drink, because it was very potent,made with some "stuff" we had bought from some dealer. Kris was overjoyed on hearing about the potency of his drink.
We all took sips and ofcourse Kris had the lion's share of the drink.
Shortly afterwards, Kris told us that he had to go to the john to puke, because he felt the stuff was "really strong", Five minutes later he went back for another puke, and after 5 more minutes again. Finally he told us that he was too "high" and needed to be in the toilet continuously. It was so bad that Banglu and I had to leave the hall and sit in the toilet with Kris. There he was on the ground rolling and groaning and saying his head was swinging, and how he would never touch the stuff we had made again. He even went for a shit while he was so "high".
Coming back from the movie Banglu and I had a good laugh at how Kris had got so "drunk" from drinking plain water. If there ever was an example of the Placebo effect, this was it.
Great story Dome! Chris (why the K? Bong spelling?) is still around somewhere.
PF - at the risk of sounding like Ray Charles I have to say you don't know me at all.
Hello people!
Banglu is in Cal.....after all the cock he's been writing I wonder I should do with with the little turd!
Now we cannot allow anybody called "Christopher" on the blog....but since this bloke is intent on ramming Dome's arse and we are in dire need of some new stories I suppose we could let him post his comments if he agrees to being renamed......some suggestions please.
By the way, little shit stirrer Bunglu has got Chris going....Welcome Chris...congrats Bunglu and thanks for the new recruit as a token of our gratitude I will award you a kick up the arse when I see you this evening!
Go to "adda".
Now dont go there and then come back here , see this message and go back again , ok ? Or else it'll be like the confused surd with P.T.O written on both sides of the paper.
This happened when Therese bought a Kinetic Honda and Joe would bring it to St Mary's.
This was the time when Joe was undergoing a transformation from a Charismatic who talked in tongues to a regular loafer on Ripon St. He was loud and brash and had just got his license. One day while going down Free School St, near Cafe 48, Joe and I were going on his KH when a Matador van narrowly missed us because Joe, who was busy singing loudly, lost his balance.
Naturally the matador van driver was not pleased, and started abusing us. A crowd started to gather and make fun of us. Joe was very angry since his ego was bruised but told the van driver to go on and forget about it. But as soon as the driver was out of the way, I noticed a chnage in Joe - He was changing like the Incredible Hulk! With his chest out he bellowed out to the van driver in the choiciest Hindi Gaalis and said something about "right of way." He then started chasing the van shouting at the top of his voice. All of a sudden the van driver braked and got off to confront Joe. Joe who was braking hard to avoid crashing into the van stopped right in front of the van driver. Incredibly, The Incredible Hulk was gone, and in his place was a sweet little lad chirping about how he was only joking.
It didn't stop there, because as the van went away, Joe became the Hulk once again and started screaming about how he would love to bash up the driver.
We had a good laugh afterwards.
Texy, I shall be mailing you my logfile anyway. I just had to use HJT once again. Can't understand why my broadband connection has become so slow.
PF, I remember the Puja date. BTW, the leching is correct but the rubbing is totally a figment of your imagination. It was at Triangular park, and we went to my boss Raj Bhattacharya's place. I waited with Andrea and Michelle while you went out to fix the bike.
Did we go for dinner to that restaurant at Free School St that day?
I don't remember a thing about the 31st dance you are talking about - Must be another figment of your vivid imagination.
As for the Mark Kwan thing - dont tell me that was your imagination?
Khankis - another tale from the annals of Domedom.
Dome and myself had joined the swimming club in South Cal - cant remember the name though - so we used to hop onto our bikes ( cycles ) and cycle down to South Cal.
Anyway , the first day we landed there , we were quite excited thinking we could nicely beat the heat by a cool dip in the waters. However on arriving , we were asked to fill up a questionaire and the first question was - did we know how to swim.
I , of course, could keep myself afloat and maybe do a breadth ( is that correct spelling ? ) of the pool , having learnt how in the murky waters of the Cossipore Swimming Club in - well , Cossipore.
But Dome confessed he did not know how to swim. That was his downfall , cause he was immediately furnished with a red dome cap with two strings hanging from either side to tie under his chin and quickly marched off to the learning pool.
There he was asked to step into the 3 feet deep water among twenty other kids and that was the last I saw of him that afternoon.
On checking a little later, all I could see were these twenty odd red dome caps bobbing in and out of the water while one particular red dome cap was thrashing around making loud gasping sounds like he was drowning while flaying his hands to the sides in vain attempts at warding off the splashes the kids were making around him.The instructor was shouting for him to keep his head under water as long as he could , but Dome was trying to get words out to the effect that it was ok while he was underwater but the moment he came back up , he felt he was going to drown as the kids kept splashing water onto his face.The poor chap had a bad afternoon and all thoughts of lazy lapping in the cool waters under the hot sun were washed away .
On our way home he was cursing and abusing the instructor, the kids, his luck and his cycle , whose chain happened to come off at that unfortunate time. While I stood waiting for him to fix the chain back on , there he was with his fingers all sticky and black from the chain oil , cursing the day he was born.
That was the first and last time we went for a swim to that particular club.
Slob, I find it ABSLOLUTELY AMAZING how you conjure up funny situations but conveniently suffer from selective amnesia and forget the parts about you.
Just to set the record straight, we did go to the lakes for swimming lessons. I did bob up and down for some time, but the instructers were so impressed with me that they actually asked me to go to lesson #2 which was taking a deeeeeep breath and diving under and trying to stay afloat.
Till today, I can remember them. Now, about you - first of all in the swimming club ALL swimmers have to take off their jocks and ONLY wear trunks. This small rule was not observed by you, ( probably because you were feeling very shy.) The instructer got into an arguement with you about this and since your pride was hurt, you told the instructer that you already were a good swimmer. That was what he was waiting for because he asked you to swim the 50 m and turn back on your own.SInce you fancied yourself as a swimmer you readily agreed.
All I recall is that when we finished for the day, you were almost dead and groaning away. YOu could not complete even the 50 m to the railings and had to try and float for some time to stop yourself from becoming fish food. It took you one whole hour to swim the 100 metres demanded by the instructer.
I also remember that you could not even ride home properly and had to go to a doctor or something.No SVP room adda for a few days for you.
And folks - THAT was the actual reason why we never went back for our swimming lessons.
THE EXORCIST
------------
About 25 odd years ago , a silent retreat was held at the Dhyan Ashram. As the name suggests , this place was where one went to meditate and look inwards, in the vain attempt ( for us assorted khankis ) of finding our God selves.
This retreat was conducted by Neville Noronha, Fr.Remedious and Baldy Eaton.
After the shenanigans of the first night ( refer my earlier post ) and the weak reprimands from the three muskitoes, it was time for the holy spirit session. In this session , each of us was prayed ( preyed ? ) on by one of the 3 muskitoes imploring the reluctant holy spirit to come over us and convert our heathen selves to Godliness. One by one the lambs went under the raised palms of the spirit mediums and the sound of tongues was heavy in the air. As each one felt the spell of holy doom , the knees buckled and the chaps would crumble to the ground , to be carried away and laid on the floor by a couple of helpers. As I approached Neville , I felt his hand descend on my head and he started praying in what sounded like Aramaic ( though I did not recognise it as such since I dont know Aramaic , but it sounded like it ) .
With the heady perfume of incense , the soft singing of a hymn by somebody at the back and the now electric atmosphere that seemed to envelope the room , I thought it best to call it quits and so I let myself fall and was duly carried away and found myself laying on the floor next to Stephen Duncan. He opened his eyes , winked and then closed his eyes shut tight. I smiled to myself , thinking that - thank God , I wasn't the only one faking it.
Anyway, my eyes closed , my mind drifted here and there till suddenly here was a loud groan from somewhere up front and my eyes flew open and sought the source of this horrid noise.
There seemed to be something going on in front and on furthur lifting my head I perceived all three moskitoes bent over a body , holding his hands and legs and praying with feverish intensity. The body was twisting like an epileptic and groans and growls were emitting from this guys throat.
I crept closer and was shocked to find it was DB. He was frothing in the mouth, his hair was ruffled and matted , his whole body was twisting like a pretzel. Neville was shouting for someone to fetch some water, Fr. Remedious was holding his head and saying , " I command you,in the name of our Lord, Jesus Christ, God the Father and the Holy Spirit, remove yourself from this body, go down to the Hell where you came from , JKHSGQBZGQHDSFRSTDYUHDIOJSKNSJBXJHVBXHBXHBXHGXSYSDVSDHVXGSuhwuyruiytitjcxksjfb ( something in tongues , I could not understand ) . Baldy Eaton was trying desperately to hold DB's legs together, but suddenly felt DB's heel on his chin and he fell backwards , hitting his bald head on Felix who was lying close to the altar, who let out a yelp and crawled away to safety. There was a growing murmur around the crowd as each one was trying to figure out what was happening.
Meanwhile Stephen Duncan, seeing all eyes were on the excorcism in front , decided he was going to roll himself a joint and gleefully dug his hands into his pocket and fished out the little wad of charas and commenced to tap out the tobacco from his cigarette.
After a while we all left the Ashram and headed for lunch. The lunch room was silent as each one was wondering at DB's fate. Would he survive, what would we tell his folks back home, would they have to send him to a hospital etc. etc.
Finally , the 3 moskitoes filed out of the ashram and we were informed DB was ok , a bit shaken up at the experience but well on the way to normalcy.He was laying in the church and nobody was to disturb him. They needn't have told us twice, nobody in their right minds was wanting to venture even close to him for fear he would suddenly get an attck again.
Finally , DB met us late in the evening and on being questioned about the experience seemed to suffer from amnesia. We let matters rest, lit him a fag and went on with our joint rolling, though I could see everyone was keeping a tentative eye on the bugger --- you never knew.
666
OK Chodas,
I agree that story has an iota of truth however, I had a pretty wierd experience and unless you are ready to turn your whole life inside out, don't pursue the matter with me.
DARK ROOM , DARK ROOM
----------------------
Talking of dark room , once upon a time , a lifetime ago, four or five khankis got together to play dark room. Since DB's family were not in that day, we decided to play at his house. I don't recall who else was there , but for sure DB, Hatchole, myself and maybe PF.
Since it was DB's house , he decided he would be "it" or the "den" as we used to call it and the rest of us would hide and he would have to count to 20 in the hall and then come looking for us.
The lights were switched off , DB sat himself in the hall and the rest of us went around the house trying to find a good place to hide. Hatchole decided he was going to hide under the bed in other bedroom while the rest of us took our positions and waited with bated breath.
After he finished counting and since it was his house, he of course knew all the hiding places and one by one we were all "found".
Only Hatchole was left and suddenly someone had a bright idea.
We all quietly slipped out of the house , went down to Angies , had some chai and sat around shooting the breeze and thinking of poor hatchole feeling stuffy under the bed in the dark probably thinking he had such a good hiding place even the owner of the fucking house couldn't find him.
It must have been at least an hour before we returned , slipped into the house crept to the bedroom , switched on the lights and looked under the bed.
Imagine Hatchole's face , peering owl like through his specs , blinking like Billy Bunter , smiling sheepishly at four grinning faces .
It seemed he had gotten a severe case of cramps , but was so in the spirit of the game he didn't want to budge from there. Anyway , we declared him the winner and laughed till tears streamed down our eyes.
El Slobbo!
That was a good story but you left out the main masala....we were all in our early twenties!
The reason why we were acting like chuts and playing darkroom was because we were trying to lighten up the atmosphere.
The reason we were trying to lighten up the atmosphere was because we had had a hassle with Gary O'Brien and some other DI gaandus.
The reason why we had a fight with those gaandus was that Holy Joe the prick was looking sweet on Romain (Bungloo's cousin) and the most romantic thing this arsehole could think of was to pick her up bodily and fling her in the pool!
She ofcourse was a champion swimmer but took the opportunity to fake drowning so her dream lover Gary could rescue her.
Anyway, we all had some kind of intuition that one day our very own Osho(PAM PAM PARAAH!)would one day worship the uncle of this Gary fucker and that was the reason we didn't land this Gary fucker.....
well, that and the fact that we all agreed with him that our drooling Holy Joe was behaving like a prick!
So Slobbo, Hatchole, DD, Holy Joe(now considerably subdued)and I dreamed up this whole DARK ROOM evening to vent our frustration on PF and Nigel DaCunha (who were tagging along with us because they thought we were the coolest, most harami fuckers in the world.).
They later went to buy us tea (which fucks up Slobbo's almost wholly untrue story) and spat in it....(please refer to earlier stories)..they owned up much later and though years have passed they have not been able to return to the country.
Bokachodas, listen up !
You guys remember Lunds tale of Dome swimming in the pond in Midnapore with shit filling his mouth.
Now , at this same camp and I think that very day, all the guys were chilling out in the shitty water of that same pond.The guys were naturally in their jocks and their dry clothes were bundled on the banks of the pond.
Banglu, the little rat that he is , decides to take off with somebody's clothes ( i forget whose it was ) attempting to play a prank with the likely scenario of this poor heathen getting out of the water , not finding his clothes and having to walk all the way back , past the girls dorm , in his wet jocks. That would have been a real hoot.
H'ever the phlegmy fuckers plans went awry as the owner of the clothes espied those black hands lifting the items off the ground and with a , "LEAVE THOSE CLOTHES ALONE , YOU MUTHERFUCKER" he commenced to wade speedily to the edge in the hope of preventing a real humiliation. Banglu , of course, not wanting to give in so easily, took off down the path with this guys clothes under his arms ,laughing like a hyena.
Now, for those of you who have been to a Midnapore camp, you will remember the pond was an enclosed area and was accessed through a gate. But here's the clincher - THERE WERE TWO GATES, a wide one for vehicular traffic and another narrow gate alongside for pedestrians.
The laughing hyena , racing down the path, with the intention of putting as much distance between himself and the chaser , for some strange reason only beknown to him, HEADED STRAIGHT FOR THE NARROW GATE EVEN THOUGH THE OTHER GATE WAS WIDE OPEN !!!
This lost him valuable time as he had to use one hand to swing the gate open . The chaser , naturally caught up and grabbed his clothes back from Banglus hands , abusing his ancestory, legitimacy and casting suspicions on his sexual leanings , he let go of the stuff he was holding in his hands . Banglu suddenly found his face full of the shitty muck from the bottom of the pond.
Banglu, not to be outdone , ran back the way he had come thinking he would revenge himself by flinging some muck of his own . However as he approched the pond , the other fuckers, collectively thinking he was coming to get their clothes too, reached down , dug deep with their fingers and let loose a volley of mucky balls . Banglu, hands flailing , trying to ward of the onslaught,dove into the pond to wash it off and there ensued general mud slinging mayhem.
After a while it quietened down , more because the fuckers were tired and some chuts were choking on half swallowed shit . The chaser of course had disappeared ( I think it was runty Mark P ) .
Later that night things took a turn for the worse ......but that will be in my next insatllment.
Hello Rundees!
Glad to know that you are all missing me.
Dome will you please stop deleting my comments? Who the fuck appointed you as the (one-sided) peace keeping force? If this blog gets fucked we'll start another one with whoever survives ok?
Bunglu Laurah! Where the fuck are you? CCU or BKK?
PF- I'm sure everybody in the whole wide world will agree you're the most immodest fucking khunt the universe has ever known!
You know Raj (used to search you for crabs, I presume?)the pest control man! Get real you little rundee, all you have to do to prove yourself is find George Jennings.
We don't give a fuck if you know the real name of the Stone Man, have lent your sorry arse to the Yeti or have created a sauce which tastes the same as the stains under Walter's bed! You've been given a mission ...get on with it!
BTW, has no one ever mentioned to you that you don't have to give head to get ahead?
Slobbo/Bungloo/Lund/all you khankis, better help me out here...beat some sense into this prick....he's recommending pest control agencies instead of completeing a khanki mission! Is this chut really more stupid than he appears to be?
Laughing hyena …contd
Anyway, after the mudslinging mayhem of the afternoon, the boys trooped back , showered , gargled their mouths , brushed their teeth and buggered off for evening tea.
The evening session commenced and all along Mark P ( who we shall call - Runt ) was glaring at Banglu with evil eyes, and we could almost see the cogs in his brain working overtime on some revengeful plan. Runt , as you all know, being a runt , was suffering from an inferiority complex and tried to overcome it by excelling in whatever he did , which may be the reason he is a pilot today . You see, he didn't want to get high on the stuff we were smoking thinking that was too easy , so he decided to do it the hard way. He would also strut like a runty peacock telling all and sundry he had wanked off 12 times at a stretch. Not knowing that secretly Dome was actually the Wanker King since he had once claimed he could do it upside down into a bucket and other highly calisthenic and contortionist positions which Runt would never be able to achieve being of course a - runt. Dome had even broken beds with his wanking thrusts and one khanki claims there was a deep trough in an IRON bed that Dome used to sleep on. But I digress ….
After the evening session , we had a break and everyone dispersed to smoke, poke, choke , toke or whatever till dinner. After dinner was the entertainment session and here Slob , FogHorn and others would croak out the latest hits of the day and all would merrily singalong or doze off as per their choice.
Through the evening Runt was sitting aloof , fuming to himself and muttering something which sounded like , " fucking black motherfucker, I'm gonna get him, I may be short, but I can take him , see the fuckers, smoking that shit, getting high , oh why , oh why cant I get high , fuck that , I'm gonna learn to be a pilot, that way I can teach these chutes a lesson, I will be able to fly higher than these arseholes. Look at that curly headed khunt ( DB ) , he thinks he's the cats whiskers , but I'm better than him in studies , also I can do one handed push ups, can he even lift his own dick, fucking bhurmarani …etc etc " This monologue was later related to us by Franky who was sitting next to Runt and kept asking , " what ? What ? Speak up man , I cant hear you, that Jason ( Fog Horn ) is singing "Me and Bobby Mcgee" and the whole of fucking Midnapore is awake tossing in their collective khatias trying in vain to sleep….sorry, what was that ? "
Later that night, we returned to the dorm and Banglu starts to change to his shorts. Suddenly he lets out a yelp , like a rat had got hold of his dick and starts jumping up and down trying , we later realised , to unhook his legs from his shorts. He falls to the ground and his legs are flapping about with his shorts stuck to his ankles. " Errol, " he shouts, " there's something in my shorts"
" Your dick , obviously , " I retort.
" No,no, there's something sticky and gooey , like fucking cum or something "
"Well you must have wanked off and forgotten to change ", I offer.
" No, I didn't do anything , I haven't for a while now. Oh fuck ! Will you please get my shorts off ? " , he pleads.
" Are you fucking crazy," I exclaim, thinking of what it would look like to the rest of the fuckers if they saw me yanking Banglu's shorts off.
Meanwhile, a small crowd had gathered around Banglu and there were assorted observations like :
" Fuck man, what the fuck are you doing wriggling around on the floor " . This from Bruno.
Franky, " Hey, watch it , you may cut yourself on my blunt astura"
Dome , " Will you stop yelling , I'm trying to have a peaceful wank"
DB, " Hey Banglu , stop shoving your dirty fucking legs on my bedding, ya khunt ! "
Michael Carneiro, " S-s-s-s-ome some ttttthhhhing is happppppening to Steven , maybe we should call ttthe camp leader ".
Runt , it was noticed , was having a hearty laugh . HolyJoe suddenly upped and faced Runt, saying, " You did something didn't you ?"
Runt , " And what if I did"
"ooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhh" , from the rest of the guys. Now , everyone was paying attention, sensing a fight . DB had risen from his bed, Bruno had crawled from under his blanket, Franky holstered his blunt hastura, Dome pulled his hands from outta his pants and Slob stood back and smirked at Runt , egging him on.
DB, " Lets have it straight , did you or did you not put anything in Banglu's shorts ?"
When Runt heard this from DB, he turned towards him fuming ," whats it to you, you bastard - why don’t you go and hide under Shalini's skirt "
Another "OOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHH" from the rest of us.
DB moved forward towards Runt , his face contorting , like he was about to cry ( actually he was livid , but anyone who knows DB well will know that’s what happens to his face when he's mad ) , " you fucking short little prick, I've had enough of your superior fucking air, you’re the reason my life is made hell at home whenever I take my test results home as my mom is always comparing them to your scores, I've HAD IT UP TO HERE YA UNDERSTAND " he shouts.
Meanwhile , Corny , the camp leader troops in ( after a spooning session with Marie Michelle ) and hollers , " whats going on here, will you guys please keep the volume down, people are trying to sleep"
Adrian , " Wait , there's gonna be a fight between Mark and Paul "
Corny, " Sorry, there's not gonna be any fight tonight, now will you guys go to sleep"
DB," I'm gonna crush this fucker to pulp"
Runt, " The only thing pulpy is gonna be your balls after I smash them"
DB rushed towards Runt , but tripped over Banglu's legs who was still on the floor with his shorts around his ankles casually sucking on a buckshot. DB went sprawling on the floor and Runt charged in to render the coup de grace, but was stopped short when Corny caught hold of his collar and hauled him back.
" Enough of this,"says Corny," you guys will have to face off tomorrow, far out in the fields. Tonight we're all going to sleep"
And that ended the show for the night.
Next day.......
Listen up you bastards- How the fuck is anyone supposed to know if you guys are posting on Nostalgia unless you make a fucking mention in Adda?
I just happened to click by accident on Nost. Contd, and noticed a lot of new comments, some even about me.
BTW, I have to make a confession - It was me who ran into the narrow gate at Midnapore. Those wide gates used to be closed everyday and it so happened that when Banglu and I went to throw the clothes of the other fuckers in the pond, they chased us. Not even looking at the wide open gates I actually changed direction and headed straight for the narrow turnstiles.
DB, you can relax, I am not deleting any of your posts, unless ofcourse you put in pics of biting pussies etc.
Ha! HA! HA! Hilarious!
Slobbo if the Kiwis hob you out of your coolie job you should take up writing!
I'm sure we'll give "F*R*I*E*N*D*S"
a run for their money!
PF- before you make any knobby suggestions of how you could produce the show, or ask your pals George (Lucas)and Steve (Spielberg)to direct a coupla episodes etc..... we've put you in charge of casting...find George Jennings!
Chodus! In addition to acting as yourselves here're some suggestions additional jobs
Texy - Technical assistance
Dome - Dolly boy/ Boom operator/Animal handler?
Bungloo- Special fx (mainly smoke)
Lund&Goltalab- Accounts and other boring stuff
Holy Joe - Prayers, Statistics and fight sequences (flinging people into pools and being bull headed about charging matadors)
Fog Horn - Shouting "Action", "Cut", "Dhuur Laurah! You fucked it up!" etc.
Osho- research, refreshments and organising quizzes between scenes.
Sheila F - Female casting
CS - will confirm when she gets back next week.....if you can't
wait contact what'shername or theotherone.
Slobbo and I will naturally write all the episodes so that it has a ring of truth.
DD - must be in charge of PR so that the press will always be kept guessing in the dark (no pun intended)
HATCHOLE- (sit up for this!)
F I N A N C E !!!
MAY I SHAKE YOUR HAND?
This happened when the khankis were the hottest quiz team amongst the "loochers" of Central Cal.
There was this quiz at Rangers Club conducted by Lal Murgi. We were there along with the Xaviers Teachers team comprising of Andrew Singh, Tom Vianna, and 2 others. Osho (pbuh), DD, Texy and I were representing the SVP. There were several other teams of which I remember "Rons Sons" very well. Philip, do you remember them?
Well, Redden, asked a whole lot of easy questions and SVP and Xaviers were answering all their directs and almost all the indirects as well. Rons Sons didnt even answer one, and these were simple questions. Then came the audio round - Our question was identify the song - the sound of MJ's Beat It came rafting out, naturally we answered, but Redden said "no."
After the entire group of contestants had the same answer, Redden felt that something was amiss. The audience was laughing away, finally after a long pause and with a very red face, Redden gave the points to us.
The quiz carried on and the Xaviers team beat us by a whisker.
After that we were all having drinks and Philip and I went to congratulate our teachers.
DD , not to be left behind, came along. Philip and I then shook hands with all the teachers ending with Tommy Vianna who shared a joke with us and had a hearty laugh. All of a sudden DD, who was feelinbg a bit left out, shoves his hand out from behind in the direction of Vianna and shouts out " CONGRATS SIR!" Vianna takes one look at him and turns away.
Without a pause, DD goes to the other side to face Vianna and again thrusts his hand out saying " SIR, SIR, CONGRATS SIR!" TV simply ignores him and turns around again, amazingly, DD again comes around and desperately tries to grab TV's hand to save face, to no avail! TV AGAIN turns in another direction, DD, not one to take NO for an answer runs around to shake his hand yet again - by now Philip and I were laughing so much, our sides were aching. Seeing us DD gives up and quietly heads for the drinks.
DOnt know how many of you remember this incident,but we reminded DD about this incident for many many years.
THIS THREAD BUGGERED BY OSHO(PAMPAMPARAAH!)
The Battle between David and Goliath....the saga of Laughing Hyena continues....
The next day the air was heavy with anticipation and excitement. Nobody ate much during breakfast and for once everyone was down early , even the lazy fucks like Banglu and Hatchhole, who used to sneak in after over sleeping.
Runt kept flexing his muscles and doing one-handed pushups - in the hope of frightening DB away, while DB cracked jokes about dwarfs and midgets and how short fuckers did not need much space in graves and such. Both were using Sun Tsu's Art of War techniques to browbeat the opponent psychologically before actually getting into battle.
The rest of the folk were enjoying the experience and there were some fuckers even punting on the impending bout. Odds were in favour of DB , being taller and bulkier, but there were a few who were putting their money on Runt after watching his one-handed pushup displays. There were dicsussions like " Mark maybe short but he's quite fast and it seems he used to wrestle with his sister, so he must be good"
"Yeah, Paul maybe tall and he's got a scary beard, but he's a bit awkward in the legs, did you see how he tripped last night , went flat on the floor , lucky Corny held Mark back or else his balls would have been pulp"
The morning session dragged on and there was a notable decline in smart alec comments.
Morning tea arrived at last and the people grabbed their bananas and chai and rushed out to the middle of the maidan where the duel was to pan out. DB and Runt arrived from different directions.
Corn assigned himself adjudicator and rolling up his sleeves flexed his muscles. The crowd commenced to cheer with wolf whistles and cat calls and some chutes even started a chant which something like this :
MIDNAPORE MIDNAPORE
MARK'S A RUNDEE , PAULS A WHORE,
MIDNAORE , MIDNAPORE
GET YA ASSES ON THE FLOOR
Coconutscrapers in the meanwhile was desperately trying to get DB to back away from the fight, saying if he realy cared for her he would do it and finally when he wasn't giving in she said," look , Paul, I'll be frank, why do you wanna screw up your face anymore than it is already. Also if he crushes your balls , what of our future then ?"
This stopped him in his tracks , he hadn't considered it from that angle. He nodded in agreement and going up to Corny whispered something in his ear.Corny looked at him in surprise and turning to Runt said, " Mark is it ok for you not to hit Paul in his balls , its just a request"
Mark, smiking, said," oh , and why is that, is he scared." And to the rest of us, "look Paul is shitting his pants."
DB " I'm not scared ya khunt , I'm just protecting my future "
Then turning to Dome he said, " Walter , where's that ball-guard you had on the other day when you were playing volley-ball with the chicks"
Dome, blanching in embarrasment, " Hhhhow the fffck did you know ?"
DB, " Look, everyone knows , so will you stop delaying and go get it."
Dome, " Oh , well, ah -um , hehe, actually , I've got them on right now."
"WHAT !!", exclaimed Banglu.
Dome," well what with all the talk of ball crushing I thought it best if I wore some protection."
"hahahahahaha, " from the rest of the guys, " what a prick ! " , "fucking chchaka !!"
DB, "Oh fuck, how can I wear them now, they'll be lined with dirt from your balls"
Corny,"wait I have a suggestion - why dont you wear it on the outside like Superman "
"hahahaha," the crowd laughed and jeered, loving every minute of the suspense.
Finally Hatchole , of all people , hit on a brilliant suggestion.
He said, " Ok Ok , hold on , I've got an ah , hm ( duh ) what do you call it , oh yes , an idea !"
"Lets hear it then,"said Mark , who was getting impatient with all this talk.
Hatchole, " Look , Paul wants to protect his balls , so I suggest let the fuckers do an arm wrestling best of three and that will sort it out".
Runt , initially looked like he wasnt cottoning on to the idea , but finally, looking wistfully at Paul's nether regions , he agreed.
Everyone then trooped back to the dining hall due to lack of a table in the middle of the field.
Here Runt and DB took up positions on opposite sides of a desk and clenching their hands together waited for Corny's signal.
"WHATS GOING ON HERE, pEOPLE," a voice from the doorway.
Everyone turned to see Baldy Eaton , standing with his hands on his hips.
Corny," Well , ah, father you see, um , Mark and Paul...."
Baldy, " I dont want to hear anything, the session is starting now, will everyone take heir seats, we'll now have a talk on " Sex and the Christian Way "
At that announcement , everyone rushed to their seats . They didn't want to miss this session for all he scraps in the world.
The bout unfortunately did not happen.
FAST FORWARD TO CURRENT DAY.....
A Jet Airways flight noses up into the balmy night air of a Calcutta dusk and making a wide turn around DumDum points its way towards Mumbai.
In row 40 , seat D , a fat pubic-haired guy is sitting reading the Telegraph newspaper. He glances down the page at the cartoons, but his mind is far away. He's contemplating the impending meeting with the Tatas and how thats gonna change his life and all that. The bengali woman at his side lets her pallu slip a little off her shoulder and soon his mind is back to the present and he's slyly eyeing her cleavage. He snuggles in to his seat , with a slight grin on his face , looking forward to the flight.
An hour into the flight and he's already wiped his specks the tenth time , from all the steam emanating from his face , the intercom suddenly crackles to life and a voice booms out , " Will Mr. Dustyballs please come forward to the pilot's cabin".
He looks up with shock and his face slowly turns a deep purple.
One again the voice cracks out, " WILL MR DUSTYBALLS PLEASE COME FORWARD TO THE PILOTS CABIN, THANK YOU"
He slowly digs himself deeper into the seat , sweat breaking out on his forehead, and raises he newspaper over his face. He's thinking - how can anyone know his Khanki name on this plane .
Suddenly he senses a presence beside him and lowering the paper a little he finds himself looking at a scary looking airhostess. She glares at him and with a thumb jerking towards the pilots cabin, she says,"Sir, the pilot wants to see you"
DB,whimpering " Bit I'm not Dustyballs."
Airhostess,"I dont care if your dusty, dirty or hairy balls, SIR, the pilot says he wans to see you , NOW."
He slips out of his seat and trundles towards the pilots cabin.
Opening the door he calls out, " Did any one want to see me ?"
The pilot turns and his face breaks out into a wide grin.
DB's head starts to spin, his mind reels, his breath shortens, he feels a tightening in his chest, his knees start to buckle , his armpits darken with sweat and a mild sickly odour of fear gives off from his body. His life rolls backwards , five.....ten.......fifteen ..........twenty years and suddenly it all comes rushing back like a tsunami .
"Mmmmmaaaark !!!," he gasps.
"Shook you up, didn't I,' Grins Runt. " I was talking to Lundslinger the other day and he told me all about the khankis. That fucker Slob has left out a few important facts about our little tiff."
He gets up from his seat , nodding to his co-pilot and rolling up his sleeves , flexes his biceps." Care for a round of panja "
DB grunts non-committedly and takes off his specs to wipe the sweat off.
The radio crackles and a voice warns of turbulance ahead.
Runt sits back in his seat and looking back at DB says," well, we'll have to keep it for another day, what ?"
DB again lets out a grunt , turns and heads back to his seat, shaken from the encounter.
He slides in , buckles up and casually lets his eyes wander to the side.
The bengali woman's pallu has slipped off her shoulders and collected around her lap. He sighs , slides down furhtur , turns his head towards her and half closes his eyes, pretending to sleep.
So there you go, fellow bokachodas , the arm wrestling bout is still due and will take place at the re union.
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